Walk On Memories || EXO Xiumin [SSS #5]

thirteen

To you,

I wonder about that. Is it pain? When the doctors shaved away your beautiful hair and opened your skull just to undergo the operation and remove the tumor?

I wish that I was inside the operation room to hold on your hands tightly, even that you were already unconscious for that time.

It must be hard for you, and I wish that I could take half of the pain that you were suffering away from you. You're a fallen angel from the heaven and you shouldn't be going through all these. It should've been me.

You don't deserve to go through all of those. You don't deserve to suffer from those kind of pain.

I remember those days when you're lying on the bed, us holding hands, you're smiling and tell me how I should live after you died. I refused to listen to it because I believe that you wouldn't die. I believe that you wouldn't leave me. But at the end, you still do.

You told me that you felt no pain because of the morphines. I knew that it could ease away the pain but still, I am heartbroken seeing you being like that.

If only, you told me earlier and went on accepting treatment during first stage, you would still be with me now.

Everything now becomes if only, I should've, I could've. Time wouldn't turn back and we can't go back to the days before already.

Luhan told me that he believes that I can put down everything about you and still have you in my heart, but it was just me who was too persistent in believing I couldn't let you go.

He told me if I believe in myself, I can put down of you.

Jongdae is knowing someone new and they are getting along well now. He told me that he assumed one day he will be with her, even though that he doesn't like her for now.

I am glad for him, to see that he is able to move on slowly and still loving his girlfriend who had passed away.

I am not as generous as him and I can't forget you. I can't kiss another woman. I can't hold hands with another woman. I can't have another woman in my arms. I can't have sex with another. I can't sleep with other woman in our bed. I can't have other woman in our house. I can't have another woman to take over your scent that I am familiar with. I can't let another woman to ruin the memories between us.

Yes I am selfish and I don't want to let go.

Love, Minseok.

_______

A/N:

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- Jocelyn