4bidden

1. Hurricane

If I'm being honest here, my thoughts are different from what other people usually think. I'm not just saying that to suddenly desire my own film about some girl with the mind of a robot. I truly mean it. When I think of something, I don't stay beyond my four walls of thought, I take it to the next level. I look out into the world and wonder about the chaos and minds of others and the effect it can have on me and everyone else. It's like I'm a machine running on questions that no one really seems to wonder about, no one except for me. Goes to show what kinda life I'm living.

My brain isn't complicated on its own, but that's not the problem. The real issue is I make it complicated. My whole body's eager for some challenge or issue to tackle, so it creates its own Rubik's Cube with no guide for solving it. My mind is a maze of wonders that devours everything simple and produces this metamorphosis of complex equations, which sucks, considering I'm horrible at math!

On the topic of complexity and confusion, here's a question my mind tends to explore on more than ten occasions: why do humans find something forbidden attractive? What's the point when we know deep down in our yucky, pulsating brains that it's not going to work out?

In these past two months, I've come up with some answers; The thrill of obtaining something not easy; the challenge; the adventure that kills boredom; and even the attention gained from doing something disobedient. But if you're like me, you're just super unlucky and just so happen to want the things you're not allowed to have.

I mean think of Romeo and Juliet, a classic example of how you should never believe what your friends tell you, and quite possibly where the first idea of the telephone came from

Because seriously Benvolio, you couldn't have waited a little longer before tattling to Romeo that Juliet was supposedly dead?

But that's not the real tragic part, is it? Nope, it's the one millisecond Romeo had left to wait before Juliet woke up. It's that one touch of poison being consumed just as Juliet awakens to find her beloved, depressed Romeo drowning himself in death right in front of her. Then to top it all off with a nice little cherry, she stabs herself in the name of love and, "Thus, with a kiss, I die!"

But life isn't so climatic. Life's just a tragedy without all the dramatic and exaggerated tears. Life moves on, and the people around the tragedy have the choice to either be miserable or accept it. Again, my mind doesn't really work that way. I've not yet been totally depressed nor accepted anything that has happened to me over the course of eight weeks, and I don't plan on changing that any time soon. Clearly, I'm a complicated nutcase!

"Hey, Flower, hand me the remote, will ya?" Paxson's eyes stay glued on his cellular device, and I almost spit a snappy remark at him and the stupid nickname he continues to call me.

Flowers are pretty, and I know he doesn't think I'm pretty. So why does he keep calling me that? To mock me?

He's precisely three inches away from me, and every cell in my body knows it. Why can't they just ignore the fact that he's close to touching me, but isn't actually going to? My body and mind are always at war when he's near.

I bite my tongue and lean down to where the remote sits next to my feet. "There," I lash out under my breath and toss the remote in his lap. Paxson's grin reaches his eyes. I hate those beautiful, hazel eyes, God why is it always the eyes?

Just as Paxson's mouth opens to make a remark, his little sister Caddy crawls to him from her toy collection near the TV.

"Paxy, will you still play with me today?" Caddy just so happens to be everyone's weak spot, and it makes me absolutely sick. So she looks like a puppy, speaks bad grammar, and wears tiny clothes made for a baby doll? Does that mean I need to treat her like an angel?