Pretty Little Psycho 2: Love lasts forever

Y'all... I'm breaking...

Hey guys... I'm sorry for uploading so many A/N's and I should update more chapters instead but I just need to get all this off my chest...

I'm breaking. Slowly. I can feel it. I cry at least once every single day and I'm constantly on the verge of crying more. I feel the need to express myself but I never can, either because I'm in school or because I don't have the right tools to do it. And that's only making it worse.
I'm not suicidal or anything, and I don't know if this is a depression but it sure as hell is driving me fucking insane...

Now that my parents are divorcing I'm not allowed to celebrate my birthday (cuz it'll end up in fights between the people that don't agree with the divorce) and that's shitty. It means no guests, no presents, no cake, nothing. No sleepover with my best friends, just the 4th of October, an ordinary day where I turn 15, but nothing else. I'll just get a gift from my little sister but that'll be it.

Do you have any idea how fucking sad that makes me?

Really fucking sad.

I need to release my stress and have some time on my own, but I can't. My new laptop isn't working completely yet so I can't draw. I want to write and read stuff but I can't find stuff I feel like reading and I can't come up with cool ideas to write about.

The only small rays of sunshine I have are YouTube, getting my new laptop ready, sketching traditional sketches, and seeing all the awesome stuff you guys have made for me already. I have a tiny fanbase and that's honestly the coolest thing I've ever gotten.
To be honest, getting all this fanfiction (especially Crankicorn shipping), and fanart, is the biggest birthday gift I ever could have gotten or will get. And I am so, incredibely grateful for that. You guys are so amazing, and you do so much fantastic stuff.
I'm not worth any of you. I'm an ordinary girl with a painful life, and it's exactly what I deserve. Because I constantly embarass myself in public, and everyone hates me because I'm stupid, selfish, and a fucking attention whore. People yell at me and insult me behind my back, even some of my 'friends'. And I'm sure they have good reasons for that...

I'm sorry for bothering all of you with my bullshit... but I had to get it out...

Love, Ellen :')