Life, Lilies and Surf

Chapter 13

"Where did you com from, baby dear ?"

"out of the everywhere into the here"

                                                                      G. Macdonald, The Baby st 1

"The mother is a mother still.

       The holiest thing alive."   S. T. Coleridge, The Three Graves, III st10

"Our birth is but a sleep and forgetting:

The soul that rises with us, our life's star,

         Hath had elsewhere its setting,

                And cometh from afar:

     Not in entire forgetfulness,

        ------------------

From God, who is our home."

Wordsworth, Ode on Intimations and Immortality,  st 5

Maternity is a matter of fact and is an experience that men can obviously never go through; nor can they guess fully how a women feels during the period.  Many claim that a loving husband appreciates and comprehends the physical discomfort and the temporary metamorphosis in the woman's life from eating to gait, from smells to sounds and physique to  psyche.  To some extent it is possible when the husband is loving, caring and sympathetic.  But only a woman engaged in the creation of a new life can really feel and undergo the facets of change in all its aspects.  Motherhood is a great experience and it is extolled in every civilisation.  Creation of a new member of the advanced species on the top of the ladder of evolution is a real wonder.  The poor male can pride as having sired the progeny.  But the blooming of a full fledged complex creation carrying the stamp of the parents and their forefathers, in shape, colour, behaviour and mental faculties is in the sole sovereignty of the woman.

Latha went through the experience with its due share of physical and emotional hardship coupled with happiness with the eager expectation of bringing forth a new life to the world.  But to her ever increasing unhappiness, Bhaskar was making himself more and more scarce at home.  Latha was too jaded with frequent physical discomfort and overpowering office work.  So, she had neither the energy nor the motivation to ask anything from Bhaskar. 

Admission to the hospital to deliver the baby was as expected. She got admitted in the government hospital nearby where she had registered and consulted during her pregnancy. She was expecting Bhaskar to escort her to the hospital.  But he was no where to be found on the eventful day.  He had gone on tour and her mother had called for the ambulance when the pain suddenly started. She was taken to the labour room.  Her mother was waiting outside the labour room praying to God that the mother and child should come back home hale and hearty.  The delivery was normal and she gave birth to a baby girl.  It was a great moment for her as for any woman.  It was a new life created with miniature features like all babies.  On seeing her baby, Latha wondered about how complex was the creation.  She was expecting Bhaskar to wait outside the ward and celebrate the birth of his baby.  She asked her mother whether Bhakar had come and if he was told of the birth of the baby girl.  Her mother said that he had not come from tour and could not be reached on be reached on phone.  There were no cell phones those times.  Calls other than local calls were termed as trunk calls and had to be booked on landline and there was no STD also.  Couple of Latha's colleagues came to see her after she was shifted to room.  Being an officer, she got a separate private room with attached bathroom.  All those who came to see her congratulated her and admired the baby.  Bhaskar was yet to come.   Two days after delivery, he came back from tour and visited her. 

After spending half an hour with her and the baby, he said, "I have some important work and have to go back.  I am also working late in the office.  Your  mother is quite capable and can take  care of you very well." He had brought some fruits in a basket exhibited well for others to appreciate.  

Things moved in the usual fashion.  After four days, she was discharged and came back home.  Her mother escorted her from the hospital to the residence.  Her car was there and one of the persons helping her mother drove the car.  On reaching home, her mother opened the front door and asked her to remain outside the door.  She went inside and brought a plate of red water.  It was turmeric powder dissolved in water and turned red by the touch of a little chunam.  Two of her female neighbours who had grown up children came forward as already arranged by her mother and did the aarati for her and the baby at arms.  She was asked to enter the house only after this customary auspicious greeting.  The aarati water was then thrown in front of the entry door of the house.  She went to the room where household Gods were kept and prayed, laid the baby on the floor before the image of Gods and asked for the blessings of the Almighty for her baby.  Her mother had already lighted the lamp for the Gods.  Her mother lighted a lump of camphor on a plate and did aarati for her and the baby.  After that Latha went to her bed room and laid down on her cot quite weak and exhausted. She cuddled her baby and felt happy at the cosy bundle of joy she had created.  

In the bed room Latha put a cradle for the baby.  It was so pretty, she thought, to see the infant sleeping beautifully, and sometimes sucking the thumb.  The naming ceremony with its religious function was performed with the family  purohit chanting  mantras. Bhaskar, as father had to be present for the ceremony.  The girl was given the name Veena after lot of discussion with her mother and Bhaskar.  The puting the baby in the cradle was also done as per custom.  It is like first shower of the baby done in western countries. 

She had taken leave for couple of months to recover her health and to take care of her baby as greatest attention to the infant  was needed  for the first three months.  Bhaskar was coming late in the evening and sometimes even at ten at night. Then he would straightaway turn in to sleep saying that he had finished his dinner with his friends as he did not want to put his mother-in-law  to lot of work since she had to look after Latha and the baby.  The dinner kept ready for him by Mangalam was not eaten on many a day.  Mangalam was nettled by this and Latha was feeling lost.  Possibly he would spend some time with the baby when she starts crawling, she thought.  

It is so strange that some men like Bhakar discard their duty to their wives at the time of pregnancy and do not share their pleasant task of looking after their baby.  Even many species of birds both male and female take turns to share the arduous enjoyable duties of attending to their fledglings.  When the female bird sits long hours hatching the eggs, the male one looks after her.  They say eagles remain mates for lifetime. Not that all men are like Bhaskar.  Luckily only some are like that and increasingly fathers are taking more part in taking care of their babies now a days.  No doubt looking after a baby is a taxing and difficult job for a father as he is not so well equipped as a mother.  Modern men especially those in western countries and Indian there and who had been there, do lend  a good helping hand for their wives in bringing up the baby.  In the era of conservative male domination, Bhaskar proclaiming himself as a modern man. He gave such a picture at the time of wooing and paraded that he believed in the equality of sex.  But in reality he was not so and was not exerting in any way to look after Veena.  He did not realise that this time for enjoyment of being with his baby and watching and playing with her was getting lost.  These moments of joy, he failed to understand would never come back.  Possibly his developing attachment to Geetha and her subtle encouragements for his involvement in her activities was good feed for his male ego, and she knew that.  The result was quite injurious to his family life. 

End of Chapter 13.