Forever Gone

Chapter 12

I love you more than I can ever scream- Black Veil Brides

It's been a while since I had a bad day. I have Dean to thank for that. This morning waking up in his arms was like I was still in a dream. A beautiful one. Then the voice returned. You're a worthless piece of shit! Go kill yourself! I untangled myself from Dean and walked into my closet. My house is small, my bathroom is huge, and my closet is tiny. However, when we moved in I made sure to put in a 'secret' room in my closet so I could hide away from the rest of the world with a book. The lock is on the inside of the door. I have to crawl to get into the space but it's comfortable enough that I can sit up lay down and have about two more people in there with me. I made sure to put two beanbags in there for me. That's where I go now. after making sure the door is locked I grab my duck-tape. I don't want Dean to hear me. I then grab my knife and press it to my skin. I watch and realize that once again I can't do it. I can't make myself bleed. I whimper softly and tears start to roll down my cheek. I roll myself into a ball and sob. Instead of cutting like I had planned I grab my "diary" and start to write a song.

I lost my heart, my home is the ocean.

The waves underneath will soon be my home.

I will fall asleep.

I'll close my eyes and dream of days when I wasn't all alone.

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me now)

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me)

Fall deeper and deeper, the sirens are singing your songs.

I'll miss my breath, there's no more left.

I'll miss the sound of the wind at my back.

The depths have a number, they call you by name.

Fall asleep, Davy Jones calls you.

So fall asleep, fall asleep and dream.

[2x]

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me now)

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me)

Fall deeper and deeper, the sirens are singing your songs.

I want the depths of the lake above my head again. It's a selfish thought, but that's what I want. I want all of my pain, all of the voices, I want them all to disappear. I start to sob again and start to eyes the blade again. I grab it and look away. the knife push into my skin and I can feel the blood run over my wrist.I feel a deep satisfaction in my gut and the feeling grows as I find the courage to look at my work. I started to paint my pretty picture. Its a color that's blood red.

"Angie?" I tear my eyes from the paint and look toward the door.

"Shit!" I whisper. The tape is still over my mouth.

"Angie where are you?" Dean asks. He's on the other side of the room. I rip the tape off after putting the knife down and gasp from the pain the action causes.

"Angie? Open the door!"

"Back away from the door Dean, please I'll come out but you have to... you have to get out of the closet," I say readying myself for the look of hate and disgust on his face when he sees what I've done. Nice going you stupid bitch! I grit my teeth and open the door.

I crawl out and stand up. My back is toward the door. You're just a fat, worthless, slut! I shake with sadness and anger.

"Angie, what's wrong angel?"

"I...I..God!" I start to sob and his arms wrap around me from behind. "Don't! Dean!" Another loud sob. "I'm a monster!"

"What are you..?" His eyes must have turned down toward my wrist because he goes silent. "Jesus Christ Angie,"

I start to bawl then. I expected him to leave. In fact, I expected him to call me something worse then the voices. Instead he turns me around and pulls my head to his shoulder. He holds me tightly for several moments then he kisses the top of my head.

"Come on Angel, let's get you cleaned up alright?" I nod my head and try to smile through the tears.

"I love you Dean,"

"I love you more Angel," How? I wanted to ask. Instead I stood on my tip toes and kissed him lips.

We go into the bathroom and he cleans my cut as if he had done it a million times before.

"Thank you Dean,"

"No problem Angel,"

"Wait! You are thee Dean Black aren't you?! Oh My God I'm so stupid! I dang," I have just came to the realization that Dean was Dean Black from Sleeping with Sirens.

"Yea I am. But that don't mean you can start fangirling over me now okay?"

"Deal,"

"Okay now you have to sing one of my songs to me,"

"What!" I say in exasperation. "Fine, come on," I lead him to my room and grab my guitar. I sing him my lullaby. Yes, I know that's probably not what he meant but I love that song! And I sang it to him so I don't see the problem.