two sides | sekai

heads

the late summer sky ceased to exist the second jongin set foot on the muddy surface of his backyard. you could say it was a coincidence but he refused to believe it.

there is no greater distance,
than that of the gap between
what i know in my head,
and what i believe in my heart.

to him, it was because of the prevalent atmosphere of gloom that seemed to constantly linger around him.

to him, he was not good enough; he did not deserve oh sehun; and oh sehun did not deserve him.

he deserved much better.

you deserve somebody that texts you just to tell you they miss your presence.
you deserve somebody that cooks bacon and eggs your favourite way and then brings it up to you in bed.
you deserve somebody that bathes you when you are sick.
you deserve somebody that lets you use their lap as a pillow.
you deserve somebody that does not mind when you kiss them with morning breath.
you deserve somebody that you can get into an argument with
but still presses himself against your sleeping body at 3 am.
you deserve somebody who makes playlists specifically for you.
you deserve somebody that lets you steal the remote.
you deserve somebody that always picks out your favourite chocolate at the grocery store.
you deserve somebody that kisses every blemish on your body and calls them beautiful.
you deserve somebody that holds your shaking, crying body and whispers "shh. it is going to be okay."
you deserve somebody that loves you unconditionally,
you deserve this type of love.
i really do hope you find it.

however, all this did not stop him from breaking the very heart he treasured more than his own because to him, oh sehun was worth so much more than he ever will. he blames it on his tendency to destroy anything and everything good around him, even if it means he ends up breaking into a million more pieces than he initially was. but it did not matter because he was already broken beyond repair. he just could not get himself to care.

the first victim was his family, for which he believed he was somehow responsible for their death. he did not have his biological parents to call mom and dad like normal kids. hell, he did not even know if they were still alive. but all this did not matter because his foster parents filled the void in his heart. it did not feel like anything was missing because they were the best parents he could hope for. all this came crashing down when he decided to move out and leave home. it was not an easy decision but it had to be made. he could not bear to see the pain he put his parents through when they were informed he was diagnosed with stage two cancer. getting medical attention was out of the picture because his parents were already struggling to put food on the table three times a day. he was done being a burden to them after all that they had sacrificed for him. they may not have shown it explicitly, but he knew that they had sacrificed their dreams, hopes and aspirations for him, a foster child, a nobody. it did not take long for him to realise that he did not deserve them. grabbing the little money he had saved up over the past 9 years, he fled from his problems, only taking the pain with him.

a week passed, living on his own, thinking everything was how it was supposed to be. however, his life took a sharp turn into a rocky path when he found out the only people he cared about in the world were part of it no longer. they had been shot while shopping during a store robbery, or at least that was what the police had told him. he did not have the heart to return back home after what he had done. he had no right to show his face to them. he had abandoned them when he should have stuck by their side, repaying them for all the years of care and love they poured out onto him. guilt ate him the way he fell asleep: slowly, and then all at once.

the next victim was his body. no amount of damage could ever make up for the damage he had caused and so he found no reason for the abuse to stop. he wrecked himself, increasing by the day, desperately trying to hold onto any sort of feeling that pulled him out of the daze he was constantly sucked into.

little did he know that his final victim, oh sehun, would bear the worst impact.

despite all the suffering and despair, july 30 came along with a sliver of hope that maybe, for once, just maybe, he could see light again.

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thank you for reading
p.s. the book trailer is available above ^

(i know this chapter was really like "wtf is happening" but i assure you the consequent chapters will be better so please keep reading)

your opinion on the story would be really appreciated so please leave a comment so that i can improve my next chapters !!

this whole book is about 3000+ words but im not even finished with it yet so bare with me haha

maybe i'll seperate it into two books idk

(if you've read "the suicide plan", wow you deserve everything in the world ☆)

please vote if you liked the story ♡

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