SOULLESS ° BLAISE ZABINI

now.4

warning - this chapter mentions suicide (though not much)

°°°

BLAISE STAYED CALM THROUGHOUT THE day's lessons, but as soon as they were over, he ran to the edge of the lake. His thoughts were whirling, his heart thumping with fear. Everything within him screamed in terror, at who he was, what he was becoming.

His hand shook as he yanked off his socks and shoes as he always did, throwing them in an untidy heap on the floor. The water was cool and soothing as he stepped in, and he sighed, walking in further, so that the hem of his school trousers grew wet. He didn't care. All he wanted was to feel the water slip over his limbs and bring tranquility to his aching mind. Then he would go back to the castle, and once again be pulled under, silently drowning in the web of hierarchy and masks.

The water slipped over his chest and he leaned into its embrace, his arms carving smooth strokes through it. Faster, he swam, relishing in the silence of the world beneath the rippling surface, smiling as his worries slipped away.

His mother had taught him to swim. It was perhaps the one useful thing she had been able to do for him. He remember how she clutched onto him as she laid him on his back in the water, but had let go once his little legs had begun to kick. A few more lessons and he could stay afloat by himself. A few more lessons and the darkness was already seeping into his four year old heart.

As his innocence had vanished and he grew older, the darkness had grown ever stronger, feeding on the foul thoughts that spun through his mind. Then it had made more thoughts of its own, until Blaise couldn't tell what he thought anymore. Until Blaise didn't know who he was anymore.

He shook the memories from his mind. What was the point on dwelling on times he would never see again?

He twisted and ducked his head under the water, turning to head back to shore, when something gripped his ankle. A surprised yell escaped his lips before he was being dragged away, his face thrust beneath the water from the speed at which he was moving. Then - he was being pulled to shore? Trying to lift his head above the water, he gasped in a mouthful of air, before suddenly he was rolled onto his back and pushed into the shallows. His body rested against the sand, his legs still in the water.

Panting, he sat up, narrowing his eyes towards the lake. What on earth had just happened? He stood, wading into the water again.

Then he saw it.

Or rather, her.

There was a body in the water, watching, waiting. It writhed and flowed like melted metal, beautiful and strange, pale skin like the petals of a flower. Long, dark brown hair flowed from its head, and its torso slimmed into a scaled tail, strong and powerful.

It was a mermaid.

The first thing that came to his mind was to grab her, so he did. His hand enclosed around what he thought was her wrist, and he yanked her out of the water, gasping and dripping.

"Let me go!" Her voice was smooth and young. Squirming in his grip, her tail flipped and she bucked like a foal, trying to break free. Blaise stared at her, his features grim.

"You -"

"I wasn't trying to kill you! Please! I swear!" She went limp, and then immediately began thrashing again. "I thought- " She paused, growing still. Taking an opportunity, Blaise pulled her onto the sand, where she could not move quickly, and sat down beside her, his hands not letting go of her arm.

"You thought what?" he growled, studying her features. She was pretty, he could already tell, but there was something eerie about her. Her brown hair seemed to have the faintest tinge of green, and her skin almost...glowed in the light. Her tail - it was long, almost twice the length of a human girl's legs, and murky green colour, like the depths of the lake itself.

"I thought maybe you..." She bit her lip, glancing towards the lake again.

Blaise grasped the situation. How easy it had been for her to imagine - him slipping his head under the water, and not returning.

"Oh." He looked away, embarrassed. Then - "Why would you care?" He couldn't fathom why a strange mermaid girl from the school's lake would want to save his life.

"I've been watching you," she blurted. "It just seems so unfair - that you should die." She shook her head, her wet hair falling over her features. "Let me go. Please."

He clenched his jaw, his fists clenched. Unfair. Ha. How unfair it was to live.

"Fine." He shoved her down the beach, and her sandy body rolled into the water with ease. She sighed, slipping beneath the surface, and Blaise could see her body, noticeable by her almost green skin, moving through the water swiftly. Moments later, she appeared a little way out from the shore, her face alight, and raised her hand to wave goodbye.

"Wait!" Blaise called as her shoulders dipped beneath the water. She paused. "You said you were watching me." Blushing furiously, the girl smiled.

"I watch you every day, Zabini," she said. "I saw those boys harass you. I watch you paddle in the water, how it calms you. You just don't see me."

Blaise frowned, his brow creasing in thought, his thoughts whisking back to that day. How the boys had pushed him, wanted a fight. How he had been saved by -

"That splashing," he said. "That was you?"

But she was gone.

Blaise muttered angrily, pulling on his shoes and socks. He hadn't even asked her her name.

But the odd thing was - when he had looked at her, she hadn't flinched. Nor had she cowered, her fears coming to mind.

That had never happened before.

Blaise began to walk back to the castle, deep in thought, his steps long and quick. Though he had never met a mermaid before, he was sure he could find something about them in the school library, a trove of treasures and knowledge beyond any imagining. All reigned over by Madam Pince, the strict librarian, who hated it when students borrowed books.

As soon as he reached his room, he fell into bed, his mind whirling. Other students joined him in the dormitory, and soon the soft sounds of snores echoed around the dungeons. Blaise knew he should be thinking of ways to find out about the mermaid girl.

But all he could do was curse himself for not asking her name.