SOULLESS ° BLAISE ZABINI

now.6

BLAISE DIDN'T GO BACK TO the lake the next day, as he had promised. Nor did he go the next day, or the day after that. Instead, he lost himself in a routine of lessons, day after day dragging on, always the same, always that same darkness inside him.

He felt bad about it, it was true. But Asherah scared him. After that event in the common room with Malfoy... He didn't want to anything that might tip the darkness' balance and finally shatter his light. Even if her presence seemed to make the darkness recede...

Staying away was made harder by the fact that every time he closed his eyes at night, he saw her hopeful face staring up at him, scattered with water droplets that caught the light and gleamed like stars. She was pretty, now that he thought about it, despite her grey skin and murky green eyes. She was small, but her sharp chin had a defiant tilt to it, and her hair was long and thick. The way it floated lazily around her face as she hung in the water was mesmerising.

But then he would think about the small white 'room' inside of him, and how rapidly it was crumbling, and he would shut Asherah's face into a closed corner in his mind, and try to act as normal as possible.

Of course, this was quite hard when you considered the fact that the Hogwarts itself was not at its most normal right now.

You had the Chosen One, insisting Voldemort had returned, and while Blaise didn't disbelieve him, he didn't think he was doing a very good job of making people understand. Then you had Umbridge, who had begun wandering around the school with a clipboard and a pained expression in her face, as if she couldn't quite believe that a school full of teenagers could be so...unworthy. And she still hadn't let her classes so much as touch a wand, let alone cast a spell.

Blaise, being Blaise, couldn't really hold an interest in his O.W.L's or his future - in fact, he had no idea where he was going to go after Hogwarts. But he could see how it would affect others. And Blaise didn't want a wizarding community to one day crumble just because some frog-face, squat woman wouldn't teach a class properly at the best wizarding school in the world. 

But one evening, Blaise couldn't take his own silence anymore. He retreated into himself, and stared at the ruins of that little piece of light surround by the roaring, convulsing darkness. It was breaking up. 

"Merlin," he whispered, his hands shaking.  

He left the common room with sharp, strong strides, his head lowered. When someone stepped into his path, he swiftly drew his eye-line level with theirs, and they moved on, muttering an apology. His heartbeat pounding in his ears, Blaise rounded the bend in the corridor. He didn't have much time - the sky was already darkening, and he didn't want to be caught by a teacher. But he needed to go somewhere, anywhere, and to Asherah, the one person who could look at him without fear, was where he was going. 

And he would tell her the truth. 

He would tell her everything, about his dying soul, and how his mother had told him when he was six what she had done to him; an effort to save him which had effectively ruined his life. He would rather have died as a baby than live like this. 

It was a cold, October afternoon, and the air was nipping at him. Winter was coming early this year, and Blaise pulled his robes more tightly around him. When he reached the lake, the wind was picking up, and the choppy waves were frolicking over the surface. 

"Asherah?" he called, his words whisked by the breeze. He was doubtful now - would a mermaid venture to the surface in such a storm. For the first time, he wondered what her home looked like, where she lived, where she slept. Would it be very different to his home? "Asherah?" Grey clouds were gathering overhead, and a storm seemed to be building on the horizon. Dejectedly, he turned to go. 

"Blaise?" Her voice was accusing, and hurt, but he was never more glad to see anyone. 

"Asherah!" he called, his face lifting. 

"What do you want?" she said, a little stiffly. She looked angry, but also pleased to see him. 

"I'm sorry," he said, wincing at the feebleness of his apology. "I meant to come back, but I..." He looked at the ground. 

"Well, I suppose a beast like me just isn't good enough for you," she said, wrapping her arms around her thin frame and looking into the water. "What do you want? It's cold." 

"I wanted to...tell you...something," he said uncertainly. 

"Is this going to take a long time?" she asked. "Only, you could come back tomorrow - oh wait, I forgot, Blaise Zabini doesn't keep promises like that, does he?" She sniffed. Blaise grew a little frustrated - he wanted to tell her his burden, but she was acting as if he was a petulant child. 

"Fine, I won't come back again, then," he called, stepping back. A look of panic fluttered over her face. 

"No, wait!" she called. "I'm sorry. Come back tomorrow, please. Tell me then. You'll get into trouble in the dark." She swam forwards, and Blaise saw that goose bumps prickled all over her face, and that she was shivering violently in the biting wind. 

"Sorry," he said again, guilt gnawing him. "I will come back tomorrow - this time I promise." She looked a little sceptical. "Really, I will!" He cursed himself for not coming back sooner, and then berated himself for not leaving so she could go home. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He was sure. He was surer of this than he had been of anything else in his life. 

"Well...OK." SHe hesitated. "What kind of thing...did you want to tell me?" 

"It's...about me," Blaise said, hoping that this would be good enough. "It's very complicated. I've never told anyone before, but I want to tell - "

"Me? Oh! No one's ever told me anything important or complicated before!" she exclaimed, her eyes shining. "Blaise! Would you really trust - I mean - me?"

"Of course," Blaise said, squinting at her through the dim light. His brow furrowed. "Why - why wouldn't I?" Suddenly he was worried that she was dangerous, something to be feared.

"Oh..." She shrugged. "My people think I'm too...irresponsible." She laughed, but there was hurt in her eyes as well. "I spend too much time at the surface, apparently."  She fell silent, a smile fixed on her face. Blaise felt a wave of pity wash over him, and he reached out a hand, before recoiling quickly.

"I - I'll see you tomorrow."

He had never once considered what the consequences of their meetings might mean for her.