My Life's Discovery

For as long as I can remember, I was into girls, at least romantically. Only thing that has changed is my realisation that I was into guys as well.
Until fifth grade, my elementary school years consisted of people constantly annoying me because they thought I was gay. Reason for this was until fifth grade, I spent my recesses with girls, because I hated playing sports. The constant annoyance created a homophobic point of view in my childish mind.
Then comes seventh grade in 2012, and I start feeling attractions towards guys, without knowing what these feelings were or wanting to know what they were, I should say. I would do things like walk around naked in the change room, or sit at the guys lunch table, in attempt to convince others, and even myself, that I was straight. In my mind, I knew what homosexuality was, and I knew, by now, that it was okay to be gay, only I wasn't, I couldn't be gay.
Skip to August 2015, I meet a girl at camp. Her name was Maddy and we had so much in common that we were together before the end of the week. She was the first girl I ever felt an actual arousal for, and she's how I confirmed my attraction to girls.
July 2016, my attraction to guys really started kicking in. I really started questioning my sexuality, only I was still in denial. I was holding on to the fact that I knew I was into girls. I had told myself that even if I wasn't completely straight, I would never tell anyone because it would prove all the stupid people from elementary that they were right all along.
Comes late October of the same year, I come to terms with my sexuality. I was bisexual and so I started letting my mind wander and I got my first boy crush. It was another guy of my age that lived in the same town as I. Although I had come to terms with this, I wasn't out of the closet. I was embarrassed and didn't want people to know, but I needed to talk, so I started writing a diary.
November first 2016, I can't hold it in anymore. I told one of my best friends, who's bisexual herself. Her reaction was the best I could have ever gotten at the time, and it boosted my confidence. I told her about my crush on the guy and then my plan. My plan was I would tell the rest of my closest friends on New Years, but it would have to remain a secret until I went to university, where, maybe then, I would come out of the closet.
December 31 2016, I film a fifteen minute long video and send it, on the stroke of midnight, to four of my closest friends. They all watched it and reacted beautifully. So far, I had been lucky to have gotten no negative reactions in regards to my sexuality. This made me much more comfortable as a person, and helped me accept myself even more.
February 2017, I go to a school, in Ottawa, for a training day and see a rainbow poster on the door of one of the classrooms. It said "Here We Accept Everybody". That's when it hit me, a Gay-Straight Alliance! Since that day, I felt as if it was my responsibility to bring one to my school.
The Monday following the training day, I go see a teacher, the vice principle, and the cultural animator of my school, in that specific order, and bring them my idea. All three agreed that a GSA was something that the school needed. During my conversation with the cultural animator, she handed me a booklet that she had received by the school district board. A guide on GSA's! It was perfect! I had all I needed, except one thing. I hadn't told my parents yet. All three suggested that I should tell my parents and make sure they were all good with me coming out and starting the GSA.
Two days later, I drive back from my equestrian riding lesson with my dad. He had made a comment once, the year before, that "gay was ok", only he was talking about a guy on the radio. So, I convinced myself that he would be fine with it, and built up the courage to shut off the radio and start the conversation.
"I have something to tell you," I said.
"Ok?" he answered.
"I've discovered something new about myself, and I decided to tell you. I'm bisexual."
His answer surprised me, "Okay. Are you sure?". He then proceeded to ask me questions about how I was sure, and about my sexual thoughts. To spare the details, they were very personal questions, those I would have never discussed with my father. I was shocked, and didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. " The reason I'm telling you this is because I want to start a Gay-Straight Alliance at school".
"So you want to tell people you're that, to start your club? I think you should at least make sure it's not a phase before you tell people," he said. I was no longer talking, I should've said it's because I'm sure that I'm telling you, or that you don't need to have intercourse to know your sexual orientation, but I said nothing.
We drove in silence a few minutes, my stomach tangled in a knot, before I asked him "Is there something wrong with me saying this?".
He answered, "Well, you know society nowadays is very accepting of these things".
I told him, "That doesn't mean you are fine with it".
"I won't lie to you and tell you I'm fine with something when I'm not. I just don't want you to tell people things, and get bullied for it, when in the long run you change your mind," he answered. My stomach tightened and tears were gathering in my eyes. I waited to calm down before speaking because I didn't want the sound of my voice to give away my feelings.
When we got home, I got out of the car, went into the house, and called my friend who I had came out to the previous November. I told her what happened in a voice full of emotion. It was like an emotion I had never felt before, a mixture of sadness, anger, disappointment, and regret. I only cried a little because I don't cry easily, but the knot in my stomach stayed for the rest of the night. I regretted telling my dad first.
Next day, I call my mom, who was in Ottawa with my little brother, and tell her over the phone. I told her about the non supportive answer my father had given me and that he wanted to talk to her. When I thought of it after, I shouldn't have started with my dad's experience of the day before, because it might have affected her reaction, but it was too late. She said it didn't change her love for me and that she would talk to my dad.
It was after a week of me trying to avoid my dad that he finally told me he would support me through my decisions but wouldn't lie to me and say he agreed with the one I made of coming out.
It's that experience that taught me that it's okay to have an opinion. You can have an opinion and still support others. The only thing bad that can come from having an opinion is when you impose it on others or use it as a source of discrimination. It was with this lesson in my pocket that I'm today an openly bisexual guy and that I'm bringing a Gay-Straight-Alliance to my school, so that others can learn the things I did. It's okay to be who you are, and it's okay for others to be who they are. We just need to love and support each other the best we can, with the respect that each of us deserves.