Forbidden Thoughts

Part 5

Her mysteriousness was pulling me towards her. To me she always seemed like she was hiding something from me. Something huge, something I deserve to know but she was just too greedy to share it. I was so mad about it so that I unconsciously started to humiliate her for just being herself. I started to hate even the cute things she said, silly as it sounds, the baby dinosaur's roars. I hated her hairstyle and her jokes became just an empty sound to me. I was too focused on my absurd idea of her being too mysterious and me trying to know all her secrets – I didn't get to know any. I became rude and ignoring to her, so it helped her to push me off the cliff of her heart. She hated me now.
This led to never-ending fights between us and nights full of tears, that we didn't share. Alexis would literally run away from me for days, making stupid excuses about her homework. She didn't want to meet me because she knew that I would not listen to her. She would sit there talking to me, but hear only small responds like "yeah", "true", "hah", understanding that she was heard but not listened to. Because the things she said were not the ones I wanted to hear. I know I should have asked her myself if she was hiding something from me, but I just wanted her to say it herself. She understood it, understood it all, but just too late when there was no single drop of love towards me left in her heart. Was it her problem? Maybe yes, maybe no. I myself yet cannot understand why all this happened. I was poisoned by her, helpless to stop humiliating her, helpless to stop loving her. I was conscious of what I was doing, of me hurting her but still I could not stop. Maybe it was because of the fake domination she made me honored to have, I thought she tried to prove me that she was in everything better than me or maybe it was also part of my intense overthinking. All this lead to us fighting almost everyday for months.
And that's when she found him... again. That one, that is just a friend... that friend that always there for her, always on her side...how stupid I was to believe this. Slava was there for her when I was into my overthinking of how to make her understand that I am here for her and she can tell me everything.
She didn't see any defect in him, so for her he was perfect except for the fact that she knew... she was not perfect for him. He knew me, but only from her point of view. "Bad, careless, rude Isaac" has no chance in a fight against Slava.
Alexis didn't hesitate when another chance to get the "calm down" from Slava appeared. And about what she's done while being in a relationship with me, I only got to know in a year. She told me.