My Name is Bill Cipher

A Burden Lifted

"Don't touch that!" Mabel warns me yet again, patches of flour clouding her face. "You'll burn yourself again. Use this." She hands me an oven mitt, which I accept and slide onto my hand. I reach into the oven, pull out the sheet of cookies, and set the tray on the stovetop to cool.
"Baking is ridiculous," I tell her. "Why waste so much time and hard work just to make some food that's not even good for you and will be eaten in a snap?" I snap my fingers for emphasis.
"Because it's fun and cookies taste good!" Mabel shoves one of the cooled cookies from our previous batch into my mouth. "Also, we currently have nothing better to do."
"Okay, but did we really have to decorate them to look like pigs? It honestly took forever!" I complain.
"Because I like pigs and you're just going to have to deal with it."
     Fair enough. "Hey, don't you have one? Wobbles, is it?"
     "Waddles," she corrects me. "And not anymore. He got too big to live at home so we sent him to an animal sanctuary."
     "Oh." I pop another hard earned cookie into my mouth. Pink frosting lines my cheeks as it does Mabel's. Mabel does the same. We devour more of the batch, silent for a few minutes.
     "Bill? When's Dipper going to get better?"
     "A few weeks probably, give or take one. Why do you ask? Are you worried about him? Because-"
     "No," she cuts me off. "It's not that. I mean, yeah, of course I'm concerned for him, but that's not why I asked."
     I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't. "Why...?" I lead her on.
     She laughs hollowly, void of humor. "Are you blind? I'm worried about you!"
     She is? "Really?"
     "Yes, really! I know you're worried, too, aren't you?"
     How did she know? It's like I'm transparent. "Yeah. You would be, too, if you were awaiting your probable demise."
     "Don't say that! You don't know that!"
     "Yes, I do! Look!" I show her my slightly burned finger. "I didn't burn myself on the oven. I touched the DNA mixture before I reversed its effects."
A look of fear crosses her face. "Ford said there's no other way, Bill. I trust what he told me. We have to carry it through, whatever it does to you. I'm sorry," her voice cracks.
I have to stop this. This can't be the end. Maybe if I find a place where she'll take pity on me... "How would you feel knowing you were a key role in my destruction?"
"SHUT UP!" she shouts terribly loud at a volume I didn't know she could even muster. Her hands fly over her mouth. Even she is shocked by her sudden outburst. Her face softens and her eyes begin to fill with tears. "You don't know how terrible I'd feel," she whispers, her tears spilling down her cheeks. I grasp her hand; surprise fills me when she doesn't let go. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me as she cries; she doesn't pull away.
"I know," Mabel hiccups, "I know I've only known you- I mean the real you, for a little while..." The real me? So this is who I truly am? She continues, "...but I don't want you to die. I mess, m-mess up sometimes, Bill," she stutters. "I say things I don't really mean. I'm rash sometimes, I get angry, I don't think. I need people to forgive me over and over again. I don't want you to believe anything that I say but the truth. And I'm going to tell you the truth now, okay? I don't know what changed about you between all those years ago and now, but whatever it was... You make me happy, Bill. Like, really, really happy!" She's blushing. Is she embarrassed? I don't want her to be.
"You make me happy, too," I tell her. She really does. She looks up at me with wonder in her eyes.
"I do?"
"Yes!" I laugh. "I've never met anyone before who appreciated my company, at least, not for their own benefit. You make me feel like I mean something- like I'm worth something to someone, you know?" This is a bit embarrassing to say, but I'm so glad to tell this to her. It's as if a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
"Yeah... but none of this will really change what we have to do, will it?" Mabel looks at me, puffy red rings around her eyes.
My heart sinks. "No."
"Whatever happens to you, remember that there can be people who care about you, there are people who care about you. Well... there's at least one." She smiles at me. "I really hope we're wrong, you know. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I really don't think anyone wishes that, either."
I clear my throat. "Ford."
"He's stubborn, Bill, I'm sure you know that." Boy, do I! "But, please, do what he says. There'll be less conflict that way. And maybe he'll favor you a little more. Please try not to argue with him. That just makes everything worse in the end."
     "I know, but- argh, it's hard, Mabel!" I shout, frustrated.
     "I'll talk to him about it, too. It'll be easier to work out your differences if the both of you are working at it."
     "I'm sorry, Mabel, but I really don't think we can. I've done terrible things to him-"
     "And to me, too, but look where we are now. It's going to take some time-"
     "TIME?! WE ONLY HAVE A FEW WEEKS!" I shout, making my voice mimic its previous permanent sound. I'm more scared than frustrated, though.
     "Shhh," Mabel says. "Everything's going to be okay."
     "But it won't," I respond. Mabel gives up and nods slowly, tears in her eyes again.
     Oh, what are we going to do?