Instability

※ 8 ※

I rest my hands on the bathroom sink, breathing heavily. Tempted to crash right on the floor, I move towards my bed shakily and collapse on the soft covers. It's been a few days since the meeting in General Fadhill's office, but that didn't stop Daniel from being overly sarcastic or annoying. Physical trainings are as grueling as ever. I lay immoblie for maybe ten minutes before feeling able to sit up. I don't know why, but my thoughts are immediately taken up with my father.

I try not to think about my dad too much, but lately I've been thinking about him all the time, even in my exhausted state. I feel weird about not crying for him, but I can't make myself do it. It's the longing for him that hurts the most. The longing I've managed to push away for two whole years, and it makes all my other problems a little more bearable.

Andrew Cardry was the best dad I could have ever asked for. He repaired electronic billboards and all sorts of technology for a living, and when he came home at night, he always had time for me and my brothers. My favorite memories are the ones of just him and me reading together while Mom made dinner. As I got older, our bond became stagnant because of all the boys, but he loved all of us so much.

For my 15th birthday, my father promised to teach me how to fight. I never felt I could protect myself if the brainwashing Renegades ever attacked us. I was overjoyed, and I couldn't wait to start. A week later, my father was killed in the bombing attack, and the rest of us were left with the ashes.

At the time, I planned to seek revenge on the Renegades. They took away the things I loved most, and I wanted them to pay for it. I got a job with the juvenile agency and had to press electrocution triggers countless times. I used to think I could use the prisoners to figure out the whole "Renegades" thing. I guess I was right, but for the wrong reason. It gradually became harder to hurt inmates I realized the agency tortures the human hosts, not the parasitic, brain hijacking Renegades.

I look at the clock on the wall, deciding to head down to dinner. Matt got the opportunity to take a test that could let him train on the intel tech team. I hope he got the position. Maybe then would we finally get a piece of our father back. Mom told me the night we came here that Dad was on the ITT, and hopefully Matt will be as well.

After taking the now-familiar route to the loud dining place, I scan the premise for my family. I don't find them, and the bad luck because on my way to an empty table, Daniel's friends spot me. Daniel's moment of despair is long gone because of the intense feelings I sense from his direction of the cafeteria. I bitterly hold my tongue as Daniel and his friends take notice of me.

"Hey, Ashley, give your boyfriend a little kiss."

"Damn, Fadhill, she's a hot one."

"Danny Boy, are you enjoying the view?"

"Yeah, Ashley, did he--"

"Oh, guys, I didn't get to tell you all something," Daniel says proudly over the noise of the cafeteria. "Ashley did kiss me, now didn't you, babe?" His friends laugh loudly. Too loudly.

My cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I'm going to explode. Daniel's using my one moment of weakness against me. Fine, two can play at this game.

Looking up from the floor, my spiteful mood meet Daniel's. "That kiss was out of pity, Daniel. Try not to cry next time."

Daniel's friends attack him with questions and laughs. Daniel glares at me, and I smile sarcastically, turning back around. He and I are back to normal now.

Satisfied, I take a seat far away from Daniel's table, but apparently not far enough. Facing them from my seat, I prop my elbows on the table and rest my head in my hands. Did I cross the line by throwing Daniel's deceased family into this?