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The Hidden feelings

His silence is killing me, I want to punch him in the face and kiss him....wait..kiss him, what the fuck is wrong with me. He's a piece of shit that broke my heart and yet I still want to kiss him..

" what got nothing to say now?" I ask. When I'm met with silence I spare a glance in his direction and see some tears falling down his face and his breathing is heavy. My heart aches at the sight her at the same time I'm slightly proud that I can make him feel the pain I felt when he crushed my heart into that fine powder.
" I'm sorry, so so fucking sorry"
I sneer "that all you have to say?!...well here's something for you then. You know that pain your feeling right now?" He nods "that's only a fraction of what I felt when I walked into your room that day just to see her on top of you...that is only a fraction of what you caused me" I turned away not wanting to look at him anymore.

POV
I couldn't think of anything to say other than I'm sorry...I know that sorry isn't good enough but it was all I had...she is the only woman in the world who loved me for I really was despite the trouble I caused or got caught up in. She made me feel whole and yet I had to fuck it up the way I did all those years ago. I never forgot her, I mean how could I seeing as she's famous and her face was everywhere. Hearing her songs I feel the pain behind the words and knowing I caused that pain.
Seeing her now all those feelings came back,

"Bella listen...I honest to fucking god did not want to hurt, I just couldn't keep dragging you into my mess of a life. I loved...love you more than my own life, hell I would give up my life for you in a heart beat. You were and still are my world and it kills me that I did that to you. All I want is another chance, to show you that you're still the only one for me." I say, this time it was me who was met by silence.

"You think I cared about being dragged into your messes?! Paul I HELPED you in those messes, I stuck by your side everything terrible moment that happened. I went to your mothers funeral, and then to your fathers trial to testify that he was guilty of her murder. You were never alone and I made fucking sure of that. I loved you despite every stupid thing you did....I wanted to marry you Paul..I wanted a family with you. And you went and fucked it all up, I....I don't think that I can give you another chance"

I could feel the tears falling as she spoke and the only thing I could say was " I won't give up Bella, I love you and that will never change baby"
With that I turned and left knowing I overstayed my welcome.