Ang Tranvia de Kabayong Maligno ni Gorgorya

Da Fightingest Seven Manduroogers

written by Michael Rene D. Kanoy

Traveling alone or in a caravan or a carriage in the countryside in the Philippines during the 1970s was a slightly dangerous and illicit affair.   Azwangs raped everything that had a heart and a liver.  Unborn children was their preferred delicacy like Filipinos loved boiled duck foetus or balut.  And the least troubles you could face were the armed straggler bandits or drunk government soldiers looking for the nearest nightclub for a pick-me-up looey time.

If you were lucky you could have the voyage of a lifetime and  find yourself in some strange hidden supernatural blacklight  city with strange beings.  Buses would get lost into strange, enchanted cities like Biringan then be stuck overnightat the top of some forest mountain in the middle of nowhere as if there were no city traveled into.  The underdeveloped countryside roads were dark and unlit.  So traveling around the rural communities and provinces of Las Islas Filipinas was always an adventure worth your soul and your Azwang fighting salt.

The true forces of darkness existing at that time were  feral, supernatural beings.  These were the Azwang Nation, evils that plagued the North (Luzon), South (Visayas) and the far south (Mindanao), such that a group of demon hunters in a rickety carriage armed to the teeth with supernatural deterrents worked tirelessly to fight the scourge that plagued the country.

To rid the Philippines of the evil and unholy monsters that in older times were only whispered by lolas and harried mothers to scare their children to sleep, and keep their husbands from staying out too late at night.

As seven Filipino demon hunters, Gorgorya Mariposa, Tomoko "Bading" Garci, Vijay "Chitti" Rai, "Carrotman," Varona Dimapatay, Irma Paloma and Bakal Papay were bums , scoundrels and one monster girl by the looks of them.  Woof Gorgorya Mariposa was a mother of eight, who still looked marvelous as a buxom and tall lady that any man would lose his marbles for.  Even Catholic priests renounced their vows whenever they had the unfortunate moment of being alone in the same confessional hearing Woof Gorgorya sweet talk them into allowing her to join them inside the booth.  For a more personal and intimate confession.  Missus Mariposa had this mission of saving beautiful young men from the priesthood.  Why waste one's beautiful youth as a puppet for the scheming Jesuits or any other order when other men are more suited for such a vocation?

But make no mistake, Woof Gorgorya Mariposa a was no Hussy Maria, even if all the other old maids and nasty urchins , and fat wives with wagging tongues, called her "Dirty Grandmama."

Young nuns at church would politely ask Gorgorya, "Why Gorgorya, what big eyes you have?"  To which Gorgorya would reply, "Because yer mother superior asked me if I could ask the new priest to meet her privately in her chambers... after I personally attend to him and coax him it's okay, of course."

Old maids and wives with wagging tongues would sneer at Gorgorya, "Why Gorgorya, what big feet you have?"  To which Gorgorya would reply, "Because I have to kick Azwang creeps and Demon butt just to save your sorry souls from being their liver stew you nasty lot."

Street urchins masquerading as the church sacristans and volunteers would bravely taunt Gorgorya (the way such vermin do), "Why Gorgorya, what big teeth you have?  To which Gorgorya would reply, Because yer brother likes it when I smile when I sit on his lap and convince him he could find a really nice girl instead of being stuck with the stuck up idiots in this place."

She looked peculiar to everyone not only because she was wanton with priests, but she wore corn rows and dreadlocks before it was fashionable for women, three decades in the future.  And Gorgorya was as beautiful as Britt Ekland, the tall Bond girl, except Gorgorya Mariposa only had natural brownish Tisay hair.  Young, good looking men just entering the priesthood never stood a chance.  She also had a thing for befriending young buxom moms and getting it on with them too.  But she never was a snake for their husbands as a matter of principle.