Ja'far x Reader (one-shot collection)

Strength In Sensitivity

She could feel it, the shaking in her core, the bitter taste in her mouth as she tried to think of anyone, anything but the thoughts she couldn't stop thinking.  

She was tired of being sick like this, of never fully recovering. Tired of thinking and reliving and remembering the worst days of her life because of the closure she never had, the fear of her traumatic experiences repeating.

And that was how she ended up curled up in her blankets in the middle of the day, too awake to sleep, but too weary to do anything other than tremble in her covers like some child. She hoped it would pass soon or that no one would see her missing, as she knew better than to tell anyone she was suffering.

Reaching out was how she was hurt in the first place, because no one wanted to just help someone, no they wanted to use them or abuse them. Even here in Sindria, even surrounded by her beloved king and his generals, even around all of them she was weary.

After all, everyone reacted to anouncements of trauma differently. Some were understanding, kind, and accommodating, and some even were the same. However, in her experience, most people just laughed and mocked her. She was called weak and too sensitive, for asking for respect she was called argumentative or nagging.

She learned to just keep her troubles beneath the surface, because even if she was miserable and needed help, at least more people would take her seriously.

She managed a few more bitter moments before she started crying. Wiping her tears away she stubbornly resisted them, and the feeling that she was being crushed by an increase of gravity.

When there was a knock on the door she tensed up, wondering if it was better to pretend she wasn't there or couldn't hear, or perhaps it would be better to pretend nothing was wrong.

Settling on the latter, she pretended the knocking wasn't hitting her nerves like a hammer, and dabbing at her eyes she stood and went to answer the door.

From the other side, she was met with the somewhat welcomed sight of Sinbad's general and advisor, Ja'far. Though she did not know him well, in the time she'd spent working along side him, she'd really come to like him. He was kind, and he listened to her, and she'd never seen him disrespect her or anyone else for that matter. She almost felt safe.

"Aah, Lord Ja'far, I didn't hear you coming...is there anything I can do for you?"

Ja'far frowned then, looking her over appraisingly. "Um...not really I came to check on you since Yamuraiha said you weren't feeling so well...forgive me for the intrusion but why are you crying?"

"I...." She drew a blank then, torn between telling him her entire life's story and simply closing the door in his face. She improvised, ignoring both longings, and managed a casual shrug. "Oh you know I just really like crying...it's great yeah?"

She laughed a bit awkwardly then, knowing this wasn't working.

"Why...are you laughing?" He asked in concern.

"I..I don't know why aren't you laughing?" She asked as she started to cry harder.

"Why are you crying?" He repeated, gently taking her by the shoulder. "Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?"

"No." She shook her head and wiped her tears away again. "I mean yes but...not recently." She sighed then. "I...well I got hurt a lot years ago...and I guess I was just thinking about it...you know like...every day...instead of sleeping."

"Oh, (Y/N)" Ja'far frowned then, taking a careful step forward.

She turned her head away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. "I didn't want to tell anyone...didn't want you all to see me weak like this...I'm so sorry."

"No please...don't apologize." Ja'far said firmly then. "You're not weak at all, and well...I know how you feel."

(Y/N)'s eyes widened, and she looked up at him in surprise. "You do?"

He nodded. "Yes I do...and I'm not the only one. Many of the generals and their families suffer from past traumas...it's not ideal but...at least know that you're not alone."

She was too surprised, too relieved, by all this to react much, simply nodding. "Um...okay...thank you."

Ja'far smiled softly then. "Would you like a hug?"

(Y/N) struggled not to cry again, nodding. "Yes please."

He hugged her gently then, stroking her hair and trying to help her calm down. Guiding her back to the bed he settled down with her sitting next to him, gently holding her hand in his own.

"You're not weak for struggling you know, or being sensitive to some things. I know it's an awful way to feel, but it's a sign you survived okay? So please don't feel ashamed of this."

(Y/N) nodded and rested her head against his shoulder. "Okay...sorry for all this. I...I never said anything before because I felt like by telling anyone if I was uncomfortable about something I'd be manipulating them somehow."

"What? Oh (Y/N), that's nonsense you're not manipulative for having boundaries." He sighed softly then. "We're all here for you okay? We love you a lot, so we want you to be happy."

Carefully wiping the tears from her eyes she smiled weakly. "Okay thank you, I love you guys too."

A/N thissss is a vent fic I started a few months ago and finished now. I wasn't going to post it, but since I know I have at least a few ppl here that are interested in these types of things I decided to go along with it. Hopefully I did this topic justice, this is something I struggle a lot with as opening up about trauma to people not knowing how they react can be pretty scary imo. Anyway I love you guys thanks for reading this mess of a fic and I hope you have an awesome day!