Far Away

Everything Changes

Tony was hardly listening to the new director's words. All he could think about was the shock still resounding in every fiber of his being, and that utterly devastated look on Ziva's face.

Everything was changing, and not for the better.

The personnel files exchanged hands, and Tony thawed enough to feel the anger radiating off Gibbs.

It didn't escape Tony's notice that Gibbs didn't even try to fight Vance's decision. Rather, it burned in his mind, spikey and painful.

"That's all," Vance said. The way he said it, you'd think he just finished playing a board game, not splitting up his best team.

Gibbs was the first to move, then McGee a moment later. Ziva still didn't move, seemingly removed from the situation.

For a second he wondered where her mind was.

Then he remembered that it didn't matter.

Wherever it was, it wasn't here, and it wouldn't be here ever again.

He placed his hand lightly at the small of her back, drawing her back into the present.

She tried to smile at him but it was weak and faltering.

They left the office in silence. Walked down the hallway in silence. Returned down the stairs in silence.

He was aware of the chatter of other agents, the clicking of keyboards, the rustling of printers, but none of it really registered with him. He didn't want to think about how long it might be before he heard those sounds again.

McGee was already sitting behind his desk. It could've been like any other day except his hands were nowhere near the keyboard, and his eyes were staring blankly at his computer.

Tony went to his own desk. He didn't even know where to start. This had been his place for so long. His second home for so many years. All around the cubicle were reminders of cases past, little items he collected along the way.

He was tempted to up and leave without his things, just to save himself the time and energy. He had no use for these memories anyway, not when the important ones were burned into his mind.

He jumped when he realized Gibbs was standing right in front of him. "Boss?"

Gibbs didn't say anything, just dropped a cardboard box on his desk. He was helping in his own way, but Tony couldn't help but take it as a cue to pack his stuff and get out.

Again he thought how easy it would be to just walk out. So easy.

He glanced across the bullpen at Ziva, who was stubbornly looking anywhere but at him. He could still tell that there were tears ready to spill over, that she was barely keeping her emotions in check.

He dropped his eyes again. Just looking at her and wondering what could have been was enough to make his own throat tighten.

"Thanks," he mumbled, taking the first step and tossing his Mickey Mouse stapler into the box.

Gibbs lingered there a moment longer, his version of a sympathetic hug. Then he walked away.

Betrayal stabbed at Tony again as he watched Gibbs' retreating form. Why didn't he argue with Vance? Why didn't he fight for his team?

Tony took a deep breath, hands trembling as he tried to keep his anger in check. He was spiraling out of control and he knew it. One more poke and he'd lose it.

Did it even matter at this point? He was as good as gone. He was done with the team, done with solving murders.

Was it something he did?

Was this punishment for what happened in LA?

Did Vance blame him for Jenny's murder?

The craving to drown his sorrows in alcohol returned, stronger than ever. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel. He didn't want to see Jenny's blank face every time he closed his eyes.

He was gripped with the need to get out. Out of the squad room, out of the building, out.

He grabbed stuff off his desk and tossed it haphazardly into the box. He needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

A few more minutes and he was stepping into the elevator with his overflowing box. No one called after him. No one tried to follow him.

It was like nothing he had done for this place meant anything. Like his career meant nothing.

It was like he was already gone.

*****

Wooooo! Angsty much? Are you feeling the turmoil? I know I for one really don't like how season five ended.

Anyway... Future chapters will be longer but I felt like this was a good place to leave it.

Please vote if you're excited to see where this goes next!!!!

Or comment. I love comments.