Far Away

New Promises

GUESS WHAT?!?!?! I FOUND THE FULL VERSION IN MY REVISION HISTORY, WHICH I DIDN't EVEN REALIZE WAS A THING!!! OH MY GOSH I'M SO HAPPY.

*****

They spent the days exploring the island. They spent the nights talking.

Not about anything in particular, just... their past at NCIS. The less-than-ideal present. The uncertain future.

What they wanted out of life.

Although that one was a little harder to put into words. Especially since this whole sharing thing was new to them.

He watched her sip her hot cocoa on the other end of the couch, trying so hard not to think about tomorrow morning.

He didn't want to say goodbye.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ziva murmured, poking him with her foot.

He didn't want to talk about that. So he shook his head and said, "What time is your flight tomorrow?"

Her face fell for a fraction of a second, and then it was expressionless again. "Eleven."

He nodded. "I have to be back on the ship at nine."

"Early."

"Yep." He thought how much easier it would be if they could repeat last time, when they were both too drunk to really think about it. Well, Ziva was passed out drunk and he left while she was sleeping to avoid saying goodbye. It would be so much easier.

But she had turned down his offer to buy drinks, almost like she knew what he was trying to do.

He didn't know what he was going to do, just that he couldn't say goodbye.

It seemed too final.

He wasn't ready to move onto the next chapter of his life. He wanted to keep going back to his favorite page, the one with the dog-eared corner, the words familiar and soothing.

"Are you going to leave in the middle of the night?" she asked softly.

He couldn't meet her eyes as he shrugged.

"Does it make it easier?"

Again he shrugged.

"It did not make it easier for me," she continued. "Maybe it made it harder. I woke up and you were just gone."

He hadn't considered that. How she felt. And wasn't that just as important? He didn't want her to hurt either.

"I didn't know what else to do," he confessed.

"I do not know either. It is not meant to be easy. But at least saying goodbye is closure."

He hadn't thought of it that way.

"I want the chance this time. Just in case."

He finally looked up at her, noticing the moisture in her eyes. That, and her previous statement, made him think of the "suicide mission" she was working on. Did she really think of it like that? Did she really think that was how it would end?

"Ziva..." He sat forward so he could touch her hand.

"Do not look at me like that. Please." He could hear the emotions threatening to spill out of her.

"Okay." He ducked his head again. "I'd make a wish, but I know how you feel about those. So I'm going to make you a promise, and I want you to make me a promise. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I promise to stick around here until the very last second. And I want you to promise me that our goodbye won't mean anything. Promise me I'm going to see you again."

"Tony..."

"Promise me, Ziva. I'm not going to let you say goodbye to me if it's going to be the real deal. The end."

"You would rather have that regret with you if something happens to me? Knowing that you never said goodbye?"

"It's never goodbye. I'm always going to find a way to see you again."

A tear squeezed out of her eye, but she still managed to look exasperated with him as she brushed it away. "You are such a hopeless romantic."

"Maybe. So what do you say? Make me a promise?"

She sighed. "I promise that I will do everything in my power to see you again. Happy?"

"It would've been better without the attitude, but it was good enough."

She kicked him in the shin for that, but it was worth the pain to see her smile again.

***

She hated to do it, especially considering their busy day tomorrow, but Ziva was determined to keep them talking all night. Tony couldn't slip away if she stayed awake.

As the minutes trickled through their fingers, she pulled story after story from him. His childhood pets. His first friend. His elementary school teachers. Whatever she could think to ask about.

And in return, she gave up pieces of herself. She told him about growing up with a brother and a sister. She told him about the dog Tali tried to sneak into the house. Memories of simpler times, happier times.

To his credit, he tried very hard to focus all of his attention on her. She knew he wanted to be able to fully lose himself in the moment, to soak up every private memory she shared. Because maybe he'd never get to hear her words again.

It wasn't that she really thought it was a suicide mission, it was that she wanted to be realistic. She wanted him to know the gravity of her situation, to maybe soften the blow if it ever came.

Better to be blunt and honest than to sugarcoat it and leave him feeling like he didn't know her at all.

There was no closure for Jenny's death, so Ziva wanted there to be some for hers.

*****

Aw.

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Also, check out All Your Fault and/or You Are if you haven't already.