Announcement (Oct. 2017)

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The hysteric wail of a siren tore through the complacent silence at Wattpad HQ.

In the distance, a woman screamed. Someone dropped a pile of laptops and cursed.

Big Boss looked up from his Kindle, his brows forming an irritated knot. "What's this commotion about?" He glared at Security, who was studying the screens in front of her.

"It's Cliche Alert, Sir."

Big Boss paled. Cliche Alert, the mere words sent a shiver down his spine. "You're sure? We haven't had one of them for months."

"Cliche Alert, Sir, there's no doubt about that." She nodded, a graveyard frown on her face. "The worst we ever had. It's Level Red With Bells and Whistles."

"Where's it coming from?"

"One moment, Sir... Ah, there they are."

"And?"

"It's Rainer Salt, Sir."

"Rainer Salt?"

"No doubt about it, Sir."

Big Boss fingered his keyboard to bring up the perpetrator's data, then he eyed the display of his computer. "But he's been pretty harmless, so far. You're sure it's him?"

"Absolutely, Sir. He's triggered a Cliche Alert, Level Red With Bells and Whistles. Don't you hear that." She pointed a finger at the still wailing loudspeaker in the ceiling. Black, greasy smoke had started to curl from it.

"Of course I hear it. Everyone's heard it by now. Switch it off."

"But, Sir, the Cliche is imminent. And we haven't done anything to deflect it." Her stubby-fingered hand reached for a fat Red Button on her desk.

"I can't think with this noise, switch it off... right now."

"As you wish, Sir." Security left the Red Button alone and tapped her keyboard.

Silence returned. Out in the hallway, someone was sobbing.

"And now, get me this Rainer Salt on screen."

"Certainly, Sir." She tapped her keyboard some more.

The screen on Big Boss' desk lit up with a live feed of someone's forehead, a forehead reaching way too high up, into regions where hair should thrive.

"Hey, you there... Rainer Salt," Big Boss said in a big boss voice.

The man on the screen looked up and squinted in confusion. "Ugh?"

"You're Rainer Salt, right?"

"Ugh?"

"Do... you... hear... me? Do... you... speak... English?"

Rainer Salt nodded. "What are you doing on my screen? Who are you?"

Big Boss leaned back in his chair. "Haven't you read the release notes for the latest version of our Wattpad client software, paragraph 2321.2?"

Rainer Salt shook his head.

"The new Client contains a two-way communication system to Wattpad HQ." The sheer feeling of power this gave him made Big Boss grin all over his face.

"Okay... What's it for?"

"It's for situations like this one."

"Um... do we have a situation?"

"Definitely." Big Boss nodded, gravely. "Aren't you working on a book... like right now?"

"Er... yes. How do you know?"

"Did you read paragraph 7213.8 of the release notes of our client software?"

Rainer Salt blushed. "No, sorry."

With a wave of his hand, Big Boss dismissed the matter. "Not important now. Our security system just ran a check on your draft, and it triggered a Cliche Alert, Level Red With Bells and Whistles."

Rainer Salt frowned. "Cliche Alert?"

"Aren't you aware of Wattpad's endeavors to churn out true literature and get rid of all the cliched junk?"

"No, I'm not."

"Now you are. And the thing you're working on, it's obviously cliched, badly so. What's it about?"

"It's just Romance and Thriller... about this girl, sweet, naive, working in a big company, and there's that young, blue-eyed, good-looking man and his bitchy sister—"

"See? Cliche, cliche, cliche. We don't want that. Not anymore."

"Do I blast him?" Security's hand twitched towards the Red Button.

Big Boss held up a hand.

"But..." Rainer Salt stuttered. "I promise, it will have some humor... and it will also be educational, there will be stuff about accounting in it."

Big Boss arched an eyebrow, only one—a trick he had practiced in front of a mirror for weeks.

Rainer Salt looked desperate. "And I promise, Sir, I'll run it all through a spell checker."

"Okay..." Big Boss glanced at Security, whose mouth was moving with a silent word. Big Boss' eyebrow fell, and he held a hand over the microphone of his computer. "What?"

"Billionaire, Sir... Billionaire," Security whispered.

Big Boss turned back to the man on his screen. "Is there a billionaire in this story?"

"Er... the dashing man's father is rich. As in really rich. Dunno about billionaire, though."

"And what about the girl, is she rich, too?"

Rainer Salt shook his head. "No, not at all. She's as poor as American coffee."

Big Boss sighed.

Security held up a piece of paper with two three-letter-words written on it.

Big Boss read them, then he turned his attention back to his screen. "The young man in this story... He wouldn't happen to be a Bad Boy?"

Rainer Salt blushed. "You see... um... he does have this dark side..."

Big Boss took a breath. A long one. Then he looked over at Security and slowly drew a finger across his throat. Security grinned and reached for the Red Button.

—————

Will Security really push that button?

Before she does, make sure to check out the book.


Desire and Blood – The Thorne Siblings


You'll find it on my profile.

Or are you're afraid of #cliche-alert?


Or are you're afraid of #cliche-alert?

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