A Kind Of Story

John Doe

I have always regretted cheating on my ex-girlfriend during my first-truly-healthy relationship. I believe it was the second semester of ninth grade; Karishma and I were nearing our second month of being together. I was on Snapchat and was talking to John Doe/JD-I am changing the name of the guy because I am still friends with him and don't want to put him in the spotlight-when he started to make a plan to hook up. We had been talking for a little more than a month, and started to really get into each other about two weeks before Kari's and I's 2 months. I was drawn to John because he was funny and witty and he had a sweet heart. Anytime that I would dis myself, he would say, "No that's not true". He made me feel like I wasn't as shitty as I portrayed myself. He was the first and only guy to make me feel good about myself and accept me for who I am.

It surprised me that John was interested in me because I am not the typical confident girl, my tastes are unique. I don't ooze with confidence and I certainly don't fit the regular mold of a typical teen girl—someone with a lot of friends who wears a lot of makeup who cares about themselves and how they look. I would not use these words to describe myself. I would say that I was really cringy, into anime, and super self-conscious

John, on the other hand, is a gorgeous athlete who is popular, a guy who could have any girl in this grade. He was funny and he made me laugh. He already had a popular, gorgeous, volleyball-player girlfriend. I don't even like sports so I couldn't help but wonder why John would be interested in me. But he was and this is happening. Whatever the reason, this was exciting and it made me feel happy.

I looked forward to seeing him and I would anxiously await his Snapchats messages. He had me swirling a little bit, and then there was the side of me who couldn't stop thinking about Karishma - my adorable, current girlfriend. She is super sweet, caring, and she always made sure everybody is happy. She is a super sweet person....so why would I be interested in John if Karishma was so awesome? Feeling too many emotions didn't sit well in my stomach. I was excited and concerned, giddy and nervous, happy and scared. None of these feelings made sense and, yet, I kept pushing through this moment.

It had snowed the previous night and a little bit that morning. John and I had agreed to meet up at the Subway just across the street for the high school. While I was in my mustard yellow tank top and gray camo joggers, John ran up to me while I waited to cross the street.

"Hey!" I said in surprise. I thought he was going to show up a few minutes later after me.

"Hey, so are you ready?" he asked. Lust glinted in his eyes, and he clearly tried to hide it. All I could do was nod. I had butterflies in my stomach, but they weren't good ones. I dismissed them as nothing and opened my mouth to continue the small talk.

"John! Hey how are you?" A female voice said behind us. He turned to look at her and gave her a hug. The little walk light came on across the crosswalk and the group began to walk. He was at first walking never to me, but then dropped back to be with the girl who had just spotted him. My heart sank. My heart, my soul, my moral compass was screaming at me to stop, but I didn't. John and I weren't friends before this plan. The only times we talked was over Snapchat and a few "hello's" and smiles in the hallways. But this hurt, I could feel pain in my chest. I knew I was doing something wrong to Karishma, but I was also so excited to have John's attention. I didn't know what to do. He was about to do something with me that I had never done before, and never thought I would ever do in this way. I just kept walking, trying to hide the pain and confusion that was clear in my face.

We planned how we would do this. We both had an off period so we would meet at the Subway to hang out. The trip across the parking lot went far too quick. I blinked maybe twice, and then I was inside of Subway. John walked into the men's single bathroom with a lockable door and texted me to wait until the two people who were ordering left, or sat down. I said okay and waited. This was wrong. I knew it from the start, but now the fact hit me like a freight train. Suddenly, it occurred to me that we would be very secluded in the bathroom and I am not a stupid girl, I was nervous so I texted him: