Ok...
So I understand if your depressed or self harm anxiety anything like that because I'm there.. But I have friends that seem to always push me around it not respond to me or just get mad at me And they have problems like anger issues and stuff.. But just know I am here
Now I'm going to share my side of the story..
I've been here for 12 years and was only noticed for 6 then my parents got in a divorce I was young and I didn't know what it meant then but that changed my life I started feeling down and not the happy cheerful person I was. About the age of 9 I met a friend and I had bullied her but I felt bad when I saw her playing with the same stuff I do ( like the tiny MLP figurines from like 2010 ) so I decided to be friends with her( you will learn more sooner ) about when I was 10 ( 2 yrs ago ) I started to self harm but I was good at keeping it hidden so no one knew. I became more depressed everyday day and just got anxiety and started doubting myself My dad started paying more attention to my brother and so did my mom. Every time I would walk into the house my dad or mom ( we switch every other week ) would always just say hi and then my brother walked in and hugged him said hi everything and I felt just so Useless and dumb...I just wanted to die and I even got too close to suicide.. when I turned 11 I was feeling even worse my best friend ( from earlier) started getting mad at me for no reason that I knew of and my popular friends started bullying me and just pushed me down When I was going into the 5th grade ( still eleven ) my brother started to smoke ( no idea what he smokes ) and started drinking when he was 17 so we unfortunately had to move schools On the day I left my old school I was just crying my eyes out and couldn't stop But my new school was way worse I kinda just spent a long time in the middle of nowhere with no friends or anything until I found a small group of friends and I was happy for once Now here's where it gets bad.. One day at my school my friend just grabs me and throws me on the ground and my nose was bleeding ( I take damage by a poke of a sweater) and I was just bruised my " friends " just watched and they did nothing One of the ( I guess athletic is a suitable word ) boys came and pushed me down again and I just didn't know what else to do but cry I was left there with no help no teacher or anyone my " friends " leave me there and I was sent home... The next day I started being called " cry baby " and " loser " all things I've never been called before. That day after school I just run in my room and start crying on my pillow..no one to help..no one there ... No one.. then I felt weird and I was like " Hey maybe I can start talking to myself for help but ever since I've done that my parents mistake it for me talking to a stranger or a predator so yep. My friend ( again from earlier) started not liking me in a way.. she just stopped talking to me and I felt so alone and useless... then I started to get anxiety a lot more and I started starving myself trying to get thinner I also started styling my hair differently but no one noticed. I just felt like my brain was getting blurrier every day and Rawlings me to leave this world and just die already and the more I fought it the more it got worse I was in some kind of ocean in my brain trying to escape every second and nothing happened but me getting pushed under water every time and drowning myself in my own doubting thoughts and just dying
I'm still this was today but I'm putting myself behind I'm trying to help depressed people
If you guys have any problems or anything that you want help with I'm not a robot or some ghost I'm here to help like many people I'm stressed about everyone not asking me for help When I've been here for this long I've been through stuff too so if you just want someone to talk to DM me..
Thx for your time
