Rain washes our faces. Yes, I am fully aware of that. And in case I somehow happened to forget that we both are getting soaked, you see, there are still those tiny little drops of water to remind me.
But do I seriously look like I care?
Do I look like I give a shit about the fact that we could possibly die in hypothermia on this chilling late autumn night? Yeah, I don't think so either. So stop rambling about how we should get inside before we freeze to death because I do not care.
And say the one thing I want you to say instead because I'm sure you know what it is. Then we can go back inside. Maybe. Otherwise I won't stay here a minute longer, even if it's my own house we're talking about. My castle.
I don't want your apology, no. I don't want to hear how immensely sorry you are because obviously it doesn't matter. Sorry or not, it won't change a thing. I want to hear you say that you did it. I want you to admit it so we can move forward.
Nope. I don't want your tears either. So will you just stop crying like a baby? It's all in vain.
What I want is the truth. And you know it.
Why won't you tell me? Why won't you already end this bullshit so that I can carry you inside and remind you of who you belong to? Me.
Okay, I admit it. That came out wrong. You don't belong to me. But you are my boyfriend. You understand? My. Fucking. Boyfriend.
Just tell me that you did it. We both know that you did it. Hell, even Raab fucking Himself knows you did it.
Don't turn your back on me. I'm talking to you. We sure as hell are having this conversation, you wanted or not.
No. I'm not mad at you. How could I? I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I've known you for what? A short eternity. You're not like that; you would never mess around with Novak just to make me cry, would you? That's what I thought.
So don't even bother to deny it. Just tell me already. It can't be that hard when I already know.
Look at me.
I already told you. I don't need your tears.
I need the truth.
--
Ville shook his head, never daring to look at Bam in the eyes when he continued to cry. The damp curls clued to his cheeks, rain drops falling down his face and blending with the tears, in Bam's mind he was more beautiful than ever. Breathtaking.
Bam wrapped his arms around his slender waist, holding tight. Ville kept his eyes firmly on the ground beneath their dripping wet shoes, shrugging his shoulders as if he didn't know what to say.
After what seemed to be minutes but probably was just a few seconds, Ville breathed, "I'm sorry." When he finally dared to lift his gaze to look at Bam, it was only to find his flaming blue eyes on fire.
--
No! I do not want to hear it! How many times do I need to say that?
Quickly your eyes are back on the ground and you try to step away from me. Too bad I won't let you go, tightening my grip instead.
"Ville," I state in a harsh voice and feel you wince. Okay, maybe I lied. I am mad at you. But not for you kissing Novak, for what you're doing right now.
I really am sorry. If that's not enough to you then I don't know what is," you say, glancing at my face but still avoiding my eyes. Why is it so hard for you to look at me?
"Let go of me."
I hesitate a while, unwilling to let you go. But if that's what you want...
"Fine. If that's what you want then go," I snap, letting my arms fall. For a while you stare at me, then abruptly turn to run away, at the same fumbling your phone that you pulled out of your pocket. It's not really meant to be used in the rain, you know. You could break it.
Is your hand shaking from the cold or is it because of me?
I didn't think you'd actually rather walk away than talk to me. It's not that big of a deal... is it?
"You're seriously going to leave?" I yell at your back in disbelief. You stop running and turn around.
"Well, that's pretty much what you just told me to do!" You yell back at me and curse when you drop the phone in a pile of mud.
"I can't believe you!"
"What?" Great. Now you're glaring at me. "First I try to apologize but you won't let me because you don't want to hear it. Then I try to make you a favor by leaving and you can't believe me!"
You stomp the short distance back to me before I can even open my mouth to say anything.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do?" You growl offended, crossing your arms on your chest. "I'm not allowed to leave but you don't want me to stay either."
"I never said I wanted you to leave, Ville," I remind you. "I only wanted to hear from you what happened."
"Why didn't you say so?" You ask bewildered, confusion replacing the anger in your eyes. Suddenly I find it hard to prevent the laughter I can already tell is coming.
You look way too cute when you're like this.
"Let's see. If I remember right, I did ask you to tell me what happened," I say, slipping my arms around your waist again and pulling you closer.
"You didn't," you argue but lean in the embrace anyway, wrapping your own arms around my neck and resting your head against my chest.
"I did," I hide my smile in your hair.
"He kissed me," you back out to look at me, pulling a wry mouth. I can't help chuckling at you.
"And Bam, I'm so sor-"
"Don't even dare!" I cut you off, playfully growling at you.
"But I am. I shouldn't have done it. And I'm sorry that I'm sorry but I just-"
"Seriously, Ville! Stop it," I laugh, wiping away the lingering tears in your eyes. You smile at me through the rain.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
