𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺

elle middleton's pov [in progress]

     "Hospitals freak me out," Jaehyun stated beside me. I look over at him to see his expression dull: brows furrowed and his lip drawn between his teeth. His nails had been bitten down to the skin, and his hair was tousled messily atop his head.
     I held out my hand for a second, in line of his vision so he could see. In a blink, he took my hand gratefully and squeezed it, his head lowering to stare at the ground.
     My eyes shot across from me to Penelope's, and I noticed she was asleep.
     No one had been back to see Harry yet. They told us we'd have to wait a little longer since he had just had a minor surgery, and was still in the PACU. I pictured him back there alone, and I felt nauseous. Even his mother wasn't in the waiting room with us.
     Anne was still in London with his sister Gemma, while everyone here gathered to try and make up for it.
     Almost all of us. When I arrived, I expected to see Sasha, but I didn't. I asked Penelope, but she said she didn't know anything about her. I contemplated asking Niall, but he seemed just as clueless as the rest of us. Even Noah seemed shocked when he first came in and met us and didn't see her.
     What could he possibly be doing if he wasn't with Niall, Noah, or Sasha? Why would he be alone?
     Molly and Kaylee stated that they were on their way a few minutes ago, so I was expecting them any second.
     A part of me worried about many different things. Why he was out alone, if he was going to be okay shortly after surgery, what kind of surgery, and what I would even say to him when I went to see him eventually. What would I even say? How am I going to feel? How is he going to feel?
     As much as I've tried to get over him and keep my mind focused on anything else, nothing is helping. I think of him constantly, and my heart aches that he's not here next to me. I can't breathe properly sometimes, and I find myself lost when I don't see him, or ask him how his day was or tell him that I love him.
     I still do love him.

     I left, the door slamming behind me as I ran behind Harry. His long legs always carried him so much farther than mine. I huffed in annoyance as I jumped the last step, clenching his shoulder in my hand. I roughly pulled him back and felt my face growing a deep shade of crimson as he frowned down at me.
     "Will you stop acting like a child and tell me what's bothering you? You've never acted like this before. How am I supposed to know how you feel if you won't even talk to me?!" I yelled. I was beyond furious, and could feel my eyes brimming with tears.
      I felt pathetic when I started to cry.
     "I told you already," his emerald eyes glared into mine, and I hesitated, still unsure of what he was upset about. I racked my mind trying to remember if I had done anything wrong, but I was clueless. "I don't know what you're talking about—"
      "So you're really going to act like you weren't with Charlie the other night?" His words cut mine off, leaving me speechless. My lips were parted as I struggled to find a response. I was, but not because of any reason he's thinking of.
     Charlie came into town recently, one of Jaehyun's friends, and he explained to me that his family lived in Canada, and his mother was a therapist. We talked about how he had anxiety, and how I also had anxiety. It wasn't romantic. I bonded with him over the fact that we were both struggling in life.
     He offered to book me an appointment with his mother, telling me she was one of the best, even if he was biased. And I agreed.
     But I didn't want Harry seeing it. He'd just started feeling better recently. His panic attacks had reduced, and he rarely had them anymore. How could I tell him that I was starting to feel that way? How could I live with myself if I triggered his anxiety again? I couldn't do that to him.
"Are you kidding me—"
"I saw you with him," Harry stated, now his own eyes brimming with tears as I noticed his nostrils flaring. I had never seen him so upset, which caused an uncomfortable knot to twist and turn in my stomach. "And then you just randomly tell me I can't use your phone. You make up an excuse like "my battery is dead" as if I'm an idiot..."
"I promise you, it's not anything you're thinking—"
     "Since when have you not been able to tell me anything? What could possibly be going on that you're keeping it from me?!" He shouted, his voice laced with anger and pain. He sounded so desperate, but I still couldn't find the right words.
     "I—I just don't know how to tell you—"
     "Tell me what?!" He snapped, impatience taking over his body as he stood before me. 
     My voice caught in my throat, and I just couldn't say anything. I had no idea how to approach it. And seeing his tear-stained cheeks didn't help at all as I stared up at him. Tears had slipped down mine as well, and I didn't even bother to wipe them.
Harry's hands reached his sides. "This is fucking ridiculous..."
"Please," I begged. "I... I just... I—"
    "Just shut up, Elle! It's obvious you're not going to tell me anything, so shut the fuck up."
     A burning sensation filled my chest at his harsh words. He'd never spoken to me like this before, and my heart was practically shattering in my chest as I paused. My breath caught in my throat again and I let out a tiny and pathetic cry. I tried to force it back down, but my throat burned when I did.
     His expression almost mimicked mine as he looked guilty for shouting at me. A small part of me still couldn't believe what had left his mouth.
"You know what hurts more than the thought of you with someone else?!" He suddenly asks, his voice wavering.
     Without waiting for me to do or say anything, he added, "The mere fact that after everything we've been through, you're keeping something from me. And you have no intention of telling me. Are you embarrassed? Is it something really bad? Did you do something bad? God, help me out here—"
     "I didn't do anything bad—"
     "Then what is it?!" His voice raises again, but before I can even let out a peep, he's throwing his hands in the air as if it's pointless. "You know what, nevermind. You're not going to tell me anyway. Forget it."
     He turns away from me and heads in the direction of his truck.
     "So, that's just it? You're leaving?" I shout from the place I'm standing, seeing no point in chasing after him.
     His body faces mine and he almost weeps. "I've asked you three times now to tell me what's going on with you and you hesitate every single fucking time. Yet you have no problem confiding in some random guy that just moved here..."
     "I wish you'd just trust me!" I yell, hoping he'd realize that he can trust me.
     "You're so fucking wrong for that," he seethes.
     I suddenly charge his way, growing more and more irritated by his attitude. "I'm wrong for thinking you should trust me?!"
     "No, you're wrong for guilting me into thinking that I'm not trusting you when you're the one who's hiding something from me. I don't care what the fuck it is, and you should know that! What could possibly change the way I feel?"
     This sends me over the edge as I turn away and swallow the lump in my throat. I can feel it coming. Suddenly, I  feel like I can't catch a deep breath of air, and my lungs burn. My hands are shaking, and I cross my arms to hide it. Tears start to spill uncontrollably now as I feel helpless, hurrying to the door.
     "You're such a fucking hypocrite," he shouts.
     I finally reach the door and take the handle in my hand. As much as it hurts, I turn to take a look at him, perhaps for the last time. His body is limp now, as if he's tired of fighting and exhausted from yelling. The redness around his eyes is visible from where I'm standing.
     "Don't wait for me," his voice breaks. "Because I'm not coming back."

     "Elle?" I heard, snapping me away from my thoughts. My eyes meet Kaylee's and I stand to my feet to hug her for a moment. While I'm hugging her my eyes trail behind Molly to see Julian. When I pull away from Kaylee's grasp, I raise my brows at her playfully. "Julian's here?"
     "Don't remind me," she rolls her eyes, before stepping to a seat to sit down.
     I embrace Molly next, and she rubs my back sympathetically. "How are you doing?"
     "I'm okay," I lie.
     We pull apart and Julian gives me a friendly smile as he steps closer where Molly had moved. "Hey," he greets me with a smile, prominently showing his laugh lines.
     "Hey Julian," I respond, before gesturing towards my seat. "How are you?"
     "Good, but I mean, I should be asking you guys. How's everyone holding up?"
     My eyes shoot around the area and I take in everyone's state. They seem to be doing as well as expected. "I think most of us are doing alright. I'm just... exhausted. And worried, I don't know what to do."
     "I know," he nods. "Hopefully he'll be able to have visitors soon."
     I nod in agreement, and Julian trots over to the seat next to Kaylee. I can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm he constantly shows her. Her eyes meet his for a moment and he grins as he says something to her. 
     "Harry Styles' family?"
     All of us are now propped up on the edge of our seats as the doctor takes a few steps closer. "You're all here for Mr. Styles?"
     "Yes sir," I answer.
     "Very well," the older man pulls down his glasses from his head to the bridge of his nose and flips through a few pages on his clipboard. "I performed a laparotomy to remove a piece of glass that we'd found in his X-rays. The glass was located in the pelvic cavity in between the intestinal loops, and I removed it without complications. There wasn't any organ damage."
     Everyone had released a large breath they'd been holding.
     "Luckily, everything else seems normal. He didn't have any fractures anywhere, just the glass in his abdomen, which should heal quickly. His vital signs are stable as of now, so I'm releasing him from the PACU to a room."
     We're all continuously nodding, taking in all the information he's giving us.
     The man takes his glasses and moves them back up to his head. "You may visit him as soon as we get him in his room, should just be a few minutes."
     "Thank you so much," I thank him, before everyone else chimes in as well.
     "Of course," he responds shortly, before leaving the room as quickly as he entered.