It's Not Perfect

Chapter 12

I'm trying to update more frequently, but it's AP week at school so I don't know how much writing I'll get done.

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Ryder smiled at me, his hands wrapped so tightly around my waist that I couldn't have moved even if I wanted to. As I stared at him, he leaned closer. His eyes closed and his mouth pressed down onto mine. A kiss bound by secrecy, by lies.

But I saw something move past him in the background, a shadow. I pulled away to stare at him but whoever it was stayed near the wall.

"We should go." I found myself saying, looking around to find whatever was watching us.

Ryder smiled again and shook his head, "We don't need to go anywhere. Just kiss me."

And who was I to say no to that. We closed the distance between us and our mouths were touching once again. His lips moved against mine, his head moving in erotic motions against my own. His hands started rubbing me, everywhere. And I didn't even care, in fact I was encouraging him.

Then that shadow popped up again but this time it grabbed Ryder by the shoulder and jerked him backwards, away from me. I ran after him, into a wall of fog, and lost all my senses. I must have spun in circles hundreds of times, calling out Ryder's name until my throat was sore. But no one answered me, I was alone. Until something hit my foot. When I looked down I saw a hand, a limp hand just laying against my foot.

My eyes followed the hand to the arm, to the shoulder, to the head. And when I saw the face I felt myself die a little inside.

It was Ryder laying on the ground, lifeless eyes staring off.

Ryder was dead.

**********

I woke with a start, my heart racing from within my chest. But I didn't see Ryder laying on the ground at my feet, I only saw sunlight still wandering in through my window aimlessly drifting about. It was warm and lazy and made me want to stay in my bed forever. But I knew I couldn't, I had to figure out what time it was, how long I had been asleep, and maybe try to calm my overactive heart.

If the sun was still up I couldn't have been out for long.

I was about to push myself out of bed when my door opened and Brooklyn came in. She smiled at me in sympathy, she knew how much I hated these stupid panic attacks I was plagued with. And now nightmares as well. I've always had nightmares about Duke but never about Ryder, and especially not about him dying.

Brooklyn sat down next to me with a glass of water, "Morning honey. How are you feeling?"

My throat begged for the glass of water and I took it from Brooklyn, drinking it greedily. And when I had downed the entire contents of the glass I was able to look at my friend and smile weakly, "I'm feeling fine. What happened?"

Brooklyn shrugged, "I don't know. You came in Sunday morning like this. Then you passed out on your bed."

"Wait, on Sunday? How long have I been out?" I asked, running my fingers through my knotty hair. My head hurt, my eyes hurt, my chest hurt. Everything basically hurt as it always did whenever I went through this stupid attack of mine. It was embarrassing because Brooklyn always had to take care of me, and sometimes I didn't make it back to my apartment in time. Sometimes I passed out in the hallways or outside and Brooklyn somehow managed to get me back to my bed safely before word could travel that I was crazy.