I am a tornado

I was told to write down how I feel

I was told to write down how I feel so I could explain it better to people and this is what I wrote.

I don't care about myself. I don't want to get better because the constant loneliness and sadness is starting to give me comfort. I lick being sick, I like hurting myself, I like the feeling of not caring about myself or anything I do. I could stand in the middle of a busy motorway and feel no fear. I like it. I want to sit in my room and tell my self all the reasons why I should be dead. Cutting my wrists make me feel nostalgic, reminds me of before when I hated my life, reminds me of how comforting this dark hole is. I was feeling homesick for a long long time even when I lived with my mum but now I don't feel homesick. I feel nothing, but I also feel everything at the same time. I'm screaming in my head wanting to smash it against a wall but I'm also laying blankly not even having the energy to sit up. Life is just a small amount of 'time' until you die. Like a waiting room but you're not allowed to leave the room and no one in the room is real and time isn't real and we aren't really aware that we are waiting but I don't want to carry on with this torchure. I'm done with waiting.