There are days like that when the sun is dwarfed by these large thunderheads that rain on my head forever and rather than be like the hundred of busy people around me, I tilt my head back and collect the rain in my mouth appreciating the sweetness of collected raindrops.
There are days like this that the flowers smile up at me and I pick long stemmed leaves from trees to chew on while I lay down in a park without swings or slides or loud children just grass and I think while looking up at the sky.
There are days where nothing needs to make sense and happiness is absent but I am contented with the relaxation involved in a lazy day.
There are days where I have nothing to complain about and everyone is not bothering each other and doing their own thing. There are people humming and when I walk by I try to place the tune in my own head and I begin to hum it too.
There are days that I wonder about a job, wonder about studying, wonder about giving a fuck and then I realize I don’t and the day goes on just like it was meant to.
“Ohh that’s why I’m easy
I’m easy like Sunday Morning”
--- Easy Like Sunday Morning, Lionel Richie
Because it would be wrong for me to paint you this picture that my life is all wrong that I am perpetually depressed. It would be wrong for me to lie and tell you that off days are all the time and that life is a bundle of wasted time. It would be wrong for me to make you feel that there is little to look forward to. I think my problem and the problem of everyone else that I know is that we expect for the word to be this place where we always have something to do. We are cultured from the beginning of our lives to get what we need by deceit or by making loud noises or by being lucky. And when we grow up to learn that life’s not always going to give you what you want, shit, or give you what you need sometimes, we associate it with misery. I am a normal person, I’d like to think, and I have just as much wants and desires as the next guy. There are times that I can find myself pining and complaining when I can’t have what my body craves or what my mind insists that I need. And then, I grow up and remember that to not want anything is to not have anything to bitch and moan about.
What do we want though?
I know people who want attention all the time. I know people who want to feel important even though they’re not. I know people who want love and I know people who want to be forgotten. Sometimes we want things so bad we make asses of ourselves. And sometimes we want things so bad that it hurts when we know we can’t have them.
In my efforts to avoid growing up, relationships with women was a step toward maturity. I was so childish that there was a point that my mother wanted me to date girls because it would make me grow up.
I saved some nice commentary from an innocent relationship that I was determined to end childishly. Exact syntax and diction has been preserved for humor of course.
“hiii dae.
you signed off before i could say anything to you. dae im worried about you. i dont like seeing you so stressed your such a strong person to have to live with what your dealing with if i was in your positon i dont know how i would ever be able to deal with it. i know this might be silly to you cuz you dont know me tht good but i have never talked to someone so much.. ever. i feel close to you and feel like i know you so much even though we havent been talking for that long. i know this whole relationship thing is just a joke to you but its starting to scare me i have never felt like this about anyone and its so hard becuase all i do is talk to you on the computer. i cant see you touch you anything.. and its hard but i know i dont know you that well and im just scared to keep talking i dont know if i can handle getting to close to you beucase you just make me sad when i think about what your going through its on my mind all day now. in the future if were not as close as we are now i hope you know im not a judgemental person i would always be there for you and i dont want you to push me away and think you cant talk to me, cuz you can. sorry im messaging you im just sscared sometimes to say stuff over oovoo to your face.
