So Wrong, It's Right

Poppin' Champagne

(Why don't you say so? I think I'm caught inbetween the night and days -- fly by when I'm lost on the streets and my eyes, they despise you for who I am. Give up and let go, I'm just a boy with a dream, and you can take one look as I fall inbetween, with my eyes just as wide as my mouth can be.)

Staring at the empty bottle infront of me, my vision blurry and my head begginning to feel the effects of the last six Natty Bo's I'd had, lying on the beach alone. This what I did with my nights now she was gone. It had been about two weeks since Graduation, and we were due to go on the road tomorrow for our first proper tour of the US. I should've been excited, but I was still empty. I hadn't felt anything since she left.

Most of the last two weeks had mainly been a blur. I'd wake up hungover most mornings, get dressed and head to the store to get more alcohol with my fake ID and then head to the beach, where I was now. When I was sober enough, I'd write songs. I spent most of my sober/hungover time writing songs. Sometimes I'd find myself crying as I wrote a line down, because it would bring back a memory of when I was happy, and I hated her for that.

I lay back, my head on the sand as I watched the sky move and change from light blue to a mix of oranges, pinks, yellows and reds as another day drew to a close. My head was spinning now, but I didn't care.

I could hear voices coming towards me, and I knew the guys were about to spoil my fun and 'wake me up'. What I didn't realize was that their version of doing this involved them each taking one of my limbs and throwing me in the ice cold sea.

"Dammit Alex, we left you to it for a fortnight hoping you'd just...I don't know. Maybe pick yourself up and try and get over her instead of getting hammered all-day, everyday." Rian sighed.

I lifted my head out of the water and gasped at the shock of what had happened. Well, that's one way to sober me up. I thought to myself. Suddenly my head started throbbing as I coughed up the salty seawater I'd swallowed when the guys had thrown me into the ocean as they stood there, concerned looks on their faces.

I stood up, my clothes now heavy and -ofcourse- soaked through and I wiped my hair back out of my face so I could see them properly as I tried to control my breathing. "It's not that easy y'know Rian. You're still with Kara. You're happy. NONE of you know how I'm feeling right now. NONE of you understand." I shouted at them, when I saw Zack looking through the papers that had lay beside me. Today's lyrics written as well as many others from every other day.

"Put them down now, Zack." I said, trying to keep my voice steady as I watched him, his eyes focused on the words on the pages infront of him. The words I wasn't ready for people to see yet. My heart was now beating fast as he ignored me and carried on reading, but my attempts to move through the waves was failing from my lack of coordination from drinking and the fact the current was pretty strong today. "Dammit Zack! I told you to stop reading those!" I yelled, trying to grab them out of his hand, but he held them above his head, out of my reach in the state I was in. "No Alex, you're right, none of us understand what you're going through right now. But you have to realize Jen was our friend, too. These lyrics here, they also help us understand and you can't keep shutting us out. We're meant to be best friends. Best friends don't keep secrets Alex."

I sighed loudly. Zack was right. I shouldn't be keeping anything from my best friends because they wanted to be there for me. He was also right about them losing her too. When Zack had said her name, it took all the control I had not to wince as her smile, her face, her everything flickered past me infront of my eyes. There were so many memories.

I tried to shake the pain off, my clothes dripping wet as I looked at my best friends, all wanting to help me and I realised it was time for me to clean my act up and go back to what I loved. Music.