Figure It Out [Phan]

[16]

After hanging out at Dan's house for a few hours, Phil got picked up by his parents and went home. As soon as he got to his house, Phil flopped down onto his bed.

His mind was overrun with thoughts, about Dan, about Matt, about his own feelings towards each of them. He couldn't think straight, his thoughts twisted around in a convoluted maze of feelings and obligations.

"There's one thing I know."  Phil thought to himself. "I love Dan. Isn't that all I need to know? I need to dump Matt and kiss Dan. That's what I have to do. That's what I have to do.

"But it's what I can't do. I can't just dump Matt, a relationship I worked so hard for. We've been through a lot, but I've still clung onto that hope that things will get better. I've worked for that. So hard. So much."

Phil's mind came to a crashing halt as he realized something.

"But Matt hasn't. Matt never puts any effort into the relationship at all. He's never said sorry, he's never done anything to make me happy in this relationship. All he does is hurt me. Over, and over, and over again. I shouldn't be with him. He made me stop taking my meds, he hurt me, and everything else he's ever done is just to make me miserable. Is this fun for him?  Hurting me just so that I come crawling back to him. I'm so stupid for not noticing. I'm done with Matt. I'm through."

Phil didn't even notice that as his mind was spewing these thoughts, his heart was racing and his breathing was getting rougher.

"But can I be with Dan? I love him, but does he love me? What would my friends think of us together? Why does their opinion matter? They were the ones who set me up with Matt. They bullied Dan every day at lunch. They're not good friends. Not at all. They're preventing me from being happy. They need to get out of my life. I need to be happy, and not just because I'm taking the meds."

Phil's head began to spin. His vision blurred. The familiar, but yet alien, rush of adrenaline filled his body. Phil immediately noticed what was happening. He was having a panic attack.

"It's okay." Phil thought to himself, trying to calm himself down as all the emergency alerts went off in his mind. "Remember, we just need to... to... to........................ shit."  Phil didn't remember what he was supposed to do during one of these. It had been so long, and the feeling was so overwhelming that he completely forgot everything to calm himself down.

Doing what he knew best, Phil reached over to his phone, and grabbed it with unstable hands. Phil typed out a message to Dan, as quickly and best he could given his situation.

amazingphil: dan pkz come ovrr rnm its annemergemncy

All Phil could do now is wait on his bed, mind spinning in a hurricane, and hope that Dan would get the text.

***

Dan's phone buzzed.

amazingphil: dan pkz come ovrr rnm its annemergemncy

The only time Phil would spell that badly is if it truly was an emergency. So Dan knew that he would have to do anything and everything to get to Phil's house.

danisnotonfire: I'm heading over right now

Dan ran down the stairs and out the front door, and since neither of his parents were home he could leave immediately.

Dan knew that Phil's house was only a couple of blocks away, so Dan ran down the streets of his neighborhood, something he never thought he would do, in order to reach the boy he loved.

Dan arrived at Phil's doorstep and prepared to knock on the door, but before he got a chance to, the door opened and there was Phil standing behind it, never more relieved to see Dan's face.