Figure It Out [Phan]

[17]

Phil saw Dan, his face red from running, but never felt more relieved to see this beautiful boy standing in front of him.

"Dan..." Phil said, barely able to finish the short word before Dan wrapped Phil in his arms. Dan held Phil tightly and Phil immediately wrapped his arms around Dan's torso. Every sense of panic was leaving Phil's body. Phil buried his head in Dan's neck, and Dan reached his hand up to gently place his hand on Phil's neck. A shiver of love traveled down Phil's spine as Dan held him in this warm and affectionate way. This is what Phil wanted. To just be held by Dan, forever and ever.

The pair stood in the doorway, embracing for what felt like forever. But neither wanted to let go. Neither wanted to leave the other, because right here and now, nothing could hurt them.

Phil's heart began to beat fast. He realized how close Dan's body was to his. He was afraid of doing something that might ruin their friendship, even though he wanted it to be so, so much more.

Phil pulled back, out of Dan's warmth. "Come on." Phil said. "Let's get inside."

Dan took a few steps in and started heading to Phil's room. Phil closed the front door and then followed Dan, into Phil's bedroom. They sat down on Phil's bed together, sitting opposite each other.

"So, Phil. What's happening?" Dan asked.

"I decided to break up with Matt. I wasn't sure of it at first but I decided to do it." Phil said.

"That's great!" Dan said. "I'm so proud of you, Philly. But then why did you seem so anxious on the phone?"

"Well, I was kinda... uh... having a panic attack."

"Oh god Phil, are you doing okay?" Dan asked, scooting a bit closer to Phil.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." Phil said.

"That's good. Why were you having an attack though?" Dan asked.

Phil didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Dan, so bad, that he loves him with his whole heart, that he would do anything for him. But he couldn't.

"Just... things." Phil said.

"What type of things?" Dan said. "Come on Phil, you can tell me anything."

"Well, unfortunately," Phil thought, "This is the one thing I can't tell you."

"Dan, it was nothing of importance."

"Really? If you had a panic attack over it, it must be pretty important." Dan said.

"Yes, it actually was really important." Phil said. "It's just..."

Phil trailed off. He was going back and forth in his mind, deciding whether to tell Dan or not.

"It's just what?" Dan said.

"It's just that I'm in love with you!" Phil said. He felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his chest. But then the weight was put back on as Dan didn't say anything.

"Why isn't he talking, why isn't he talking?????" Phil thought nervously. "Why is he just sitting there? Come on Dan, do something!"

***

Dan couldn't think. His mind was filled with so much joy that he couldn't think, his mind was running around faster than a 5 year old who just ate cake.

Dan realized that he wasn't talking, and that he was probably making Phil feel really rejected.

So Dan cleared his mind, and scooted over so that he was sitting right in front of Phil. Their faces were barely a foot apart.

"I love you too, Phil."