He takes is gun out and walks away from his apartment. Into the streets of darkness. When the moment arrives that he can't even see his own hands he stops. There is a light coming towards him. The light of a lantern. Behind the lantern there is a woman. The woman gives him the lantern and vanishes into the darkness. So the guy keeps walking with his gun in his right hand and the lantern in his left hand. As he walks he suddenly notices he isn't in the city he lived in.
The people he pass ignore him, their eyes dancing away from his gaze. No, they dart towards the shadows, anywhere his light isn't. They shy away from him, his very presence weighing down upon them, just as his burden bears down on his own shoulders. The lantern in his hand, the only light in this forgotten city of emotions and abandoned memories, where the trains of thought never ran on time and sometimes never arrive, was all he had to see the way. And so he blew it out.
He felt the tears streaming down his face, mixing with the blood pouring from his skull, he had found his purpose, and they killed her, after years of searching he found the ones responsible and took his revenge. Walking away from the dreadful deed, he remembered how much he loved her, and how he was never strong enough; until now he'd been a passenger in life.
As the crimson tears fell onto the snow; the mortal wound about to relieve him of his life, he was ready to see her again.
She wasn't ready for him, she kissed him, "Live!" is the only thing she said to him as she disappeared again and her touch nothing more than a memory now for the weeping man who had not known love, who had only been one of life's shadows, content being in the fringes until now, he had hope again...
And so the man had risen from the ground, with no emotion he continued his journy, let it be with blood and tears, he didn't quit, he walked into the darkness until he saw nothing, nothing but yet another light, so he ran, he ran towards it as it seemed that he will never reach it, it was her...her face lit up the sky, the man stood there for hours while his memories started hunting him yet again, he turned away from her shining face, and walked on....
And walked until his feet could bare no more. Chimerically dazed unaware as to what was passing by. His life. The girl of his dreams who now felt like the women of his night terrors. Teasing and playing with his emotions in midst of the dark. Fading movements around him, noises of the unseen, and the light of the unforgotten. Clenching his fists in frustration, determined to stand tall once again. Hope is all the disgruntled and beaten up man has left.. He will continue on, until he is awoken.
The ground fades, narrowed vision, the tunnel of despair and the passing of hope, slowly but surely awaiting his eternal loneliness, time passes ever faster as the darkness manifest, shapeless forms surround him, his senses dulled as his final moments approach, a glimmer of hope in the dark, a beacon of faint security, a warding light, as delicate as a rose, he sums up his dying courage and reaches out..........
but falls to the ground, asleep in both worlds he has no hope, he has no future, he has no life, but in the very depths of his heart, he hears the voice of the ones that love him, the ones he loves, and so he gets up, begins walking until he falls again, he is pulled back up with mighty strength, but there is nobody there, he is no longer in a city, he is no longer on earth, he is his own man, he wonders when he will be woken up, or if he even can be, but he has been awake the whole time.
His soul has never reached the place where stands the great light that illuminates the surrounding hearts, he looks, hardly ever, in a far distance, and perceives the shape of an impressive mountain. He thought, to climb it would be meagerly reassuring but above all prodigiously hazardous, so he headed towards it, he kept walking until he fell down and got injured.. he said to himself : ''luck fails in dark places''
It is then that he contemplated the mysteries of life, his purpose and very ethics that had caused him to be where he is at this very moment. As he climbed to the peak, he was oblivious to the world around him, clueless of the plethora of mother nature's beauties watching upon him as he progressed. He raised his weary eyes above him, It seemed as if the peak was a light, the light to mortality, but most importantly, the light to her..
He stands alone, in a world overcrowded with people. All so similar, yet so different. His story ends in the same place it began, the same place it all began. He knows it was all for naught, but feels no regret. In the end it was worth it; because no matter the magnitude, the grandeur, it was his life as well as hers. But in this he achieved greatness, true greatness, unlike known to the universe prior.
His story is long, his memories are eternal. He was now so wise he could share the wisdom for centuries. His loved ones were fueling his blood, whereas his love was fueling his courage. Not knowing whether is reaching her still correct or not and either way not knowing whether continuing the way is yet possible, he began to find a new experience. He traveled far from people, he went through fields and he crossed mountains. Walking somewhere, he just stopped and looked around..
And what he saw; he saw everything he had not seen before. He had opened his eyes and understood everything that was laid out before him and closed his eyes, letting all he had been through weigh upon him. His eyes opened and shone with a glimmer of hope and realization. He knew what he had to do. He trekked through the barren land of his mind, through the happiness and sorrow of his memories, through everything until the start, back where he had first begun all of this. To the darkness. To her.
There she stood, a timeworn smile on her face, etched into his mind, something that would never leave him. No longer did he see her as the pale, motionless person, a kitchen rag on the floor, stained with blood. Now, he saw her as the person she had been, an angel. He knew then that he had to hold on to life. It was a train, and no matter how much he wanted to slip off and, he had to hold on, for her. She lived inside him, so as long as he breathed, she breathed too, in harmony.
He remembered back to that first night, and a nostalgic feeling returned to him, he felt as she was always by his side, even at this moment where he is leaving his old life behind. He knew inside he was never alone, and she always had his back. He gazed up at the sky in awe, as the clouds began to part, and he could see his new life so clearly a feeling has never felt before.
A man who lives barely breathing with emotions stuck in a world like void. A man with his face down staring at this dirt. He remembers it all. How happy he was and how happy the girl could have been without him. As he think deeply with his loud sighs. Unforgettable moments became his obsessions. Even though he could bare it no longer, even though it pains more than a fire burning inside him, he cried, and fell on the ground with the rain start pouring, blending the tears within.
And clinging to those distant memories of what had been, he creates in his mind what could've been and should've been.And he's trembling, because it's so hard letting go. He's free from those old shackles, but bonded my ones stronger than the latter.A feeling of regret courses through him.A feeling of sadness that flows with his tears.And he looks to the sky like he always had and whispers to himself, "Heavy hearts like heavy clouds in the sky are best relieved by the letting of a little water."
And with the release of those powerful tears came the release of his regret and inhibition.The shackles that had bound him to his tormented memories were no longer,he saw them for what they were,stairs. And the shackles that bound him currently were stairs ahead. Through the tears & the shadow, the delusions & the madness, he sees what must be true.He climbs slowly and feebly onto his trembling legs.He takes one step and then another and he feels stronger with each step, finally nearing freedom.
These stairs creating a new journey, and new life. Each step taken is a new experience, a link broken in the chain that bound him to his past and his fears. Those fears that brought him to the brink of destruction now lead him to freedom and salvation. Freedom from those memories of her. Not knowing what is ahead of him he climbs past everything, creating his own story, the next chapter in the book of himself. The book of love&loss.
He hath remained a vagrant forever it seems, searching for what lies in the horizon. He wanted to give up, not reaching the white light after thousands of steps. The other side of the field is farther away than can be described. The wind beckons him return to his home, which he so despised. Not knowing what the moving light holds, he knows the only way to find out is to keep moving and reach it.
