Beyond The Smoke (1st draft)

Chapter One

   

Dylan

I didn't know for how long I could keep this going, hiding the truth from my girlfriend, Kate. Did I really love her, or did I just enjoy her company? I was completely lost at this point of my life.
My life was about to hit rock bottom, so lets get my facts straight:
One, I pull all nighters to get drunk and somehow end up with a one-night stand with a total stranger just like I have now.
Two, work was getting on my nerves and I wasn't enjoying it anymore, Architecture used to be fun.
Three, this was totally not what I had planned out for my life to be, I wanted a quiet life which included working for the pleasure of doing what I love not for the sake of money, as well as a quiet, romantic relationship with the woman who would really understand me for what I really was.

That was actually the problem with Kate! She knew everything about me and my past, she knew all my secrets and habits but somehow, she couldn't see my soul clearly for what it really was! Maybe she just wasn't the one for me.

I thought have lost myself at that point of my life, chasing money and going after pleasures. My art deserved better than that, I deserved better than that and surely Kate deserved better than that.

"Watch out, asshole!"
My thoughts were cut off by the yell of an old truck driver who I almost bumped into his truck.

You must be wondering what I was doing 2 hours before sunset.

Well, whenever I feel that things were getting out of hand, just like they are right now, my only shelter is a bar next to my workplace to get a few vodka shots.

I walked into the bar, sat by the bar, lit up a cigarette and ordered 3 shots.

"If there is anything I could do for you just let me know" Jessica, the bartender, who had worked in this bar for as long as I can remember, asked me.

"I must look very bad, ha" I said followed by a sigh.

"Yeah" she replied with a nod.

"Okay" I said as I gulped my first shot.

"Have a seat then because it might turn into a long chat"

She sat on the chair opposite to mine, the two of us were the only people in the bar.

"I'm all ears" she said.

"Don't judge me based on what I'm about to say" I said.

"You have my word" she said with a curious smile to find out what's been up with me.

"I, supposedly, have a girlfriend but I'm not sure whether our relationship is really that serious or we both are just passing time, we live together by the way. I think I'm dating her just to have someone's company and I constantly have affairs with other women, I think that I'm being dishonest this way and I should just leave her but at the same time I can't leave her for many reasons for instance she knows all my secrets, I don't want to end up lonely and I'm also afraid of hurting her" I explained to her finally getting some shit off my chest.

She was quiet for a few seconds then asked, in a displeased tone, :"Do you want my honest opinion or some words to make you feel better about yourself?".

"Just what you think" I replied.

"You're selfish" she said.

"You can't just play someone like that, leave her or stay faithful to her" she explained.

"But you must be a fool if you're really think she doesn't know about other affairs" she said, as she lit up a cigarette and handed it to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, gulping the second shot.

"You men are dumb, you always think you can hide everything from us, but we have our methods" she replied.

"If she really knows as you imply, then why is she still with me?" I asked, as I smoked the cigarette.

"I don't know. Maybe she is in deep love with you that she is too blind, but I highly doubt that, or she wants something from you" she replied.

"If she loves you and if she knows about what you do, then what you are doing hurts her most so watch out" she added.

"watch out for what exactly?" I asked.

"I guess you'll have to find out by yourself. Maybe she'll dump your sorry-ass" she replied.

"I will leave her. It's just that I have never really learned to trust anyone, but I trust her and as odd as it may sound I feel safe around her" I said.

"But I guess it's time to let go" I said gulping the third vodka shot.

"Thanks for the small chat. I appreciate it" I said as I placed a one hundred dollar bill under one of the empty cups.

I finally began to feel sleepy so I decided to go home and have some sleep though it surely meant I'd be late for work but who cares for an aimless job, right?

As I drove my car, the infamous Ford Mustang back home, I kept thinking of what I had been doing and I came to this conclusion; I wasn't really the good person I thought I was, I mean look at me I cheated on my girlfriend countless times, I drank and smoked too much, I never supported my brother when he needed me despite all that he had done for me; I was selfish in so many ways. I only lived for myself, I did what made me happy, but in the end of the day, I was neither happy nor the people around me were.

I reached my apartment. I went to the fridge and ate an apple to hide the smell of alcohol then brushed my teeth and sprayed some cologne. Kate was asleep, so I just lay beside her and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, she was deeply asleep, work must have been exhausting.

"Where have you been?" She asked in between her sleep.

"I had to do something, sweetheart. I'll explain in the morning" I replied, though I have no explanation but as usual I'll make something up in the morning.

I wrapped my arm around her and held her hand. It might be the last time we sleep together.

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Welcome to the first chapter!

Thank you for taking the time to read this story.

Before you form any opinion about the story, keep going till chapter four.