The Two "Heroes" of Amurica
Y’all ’Murricans listen up. We got two heroes of Amurica that deserve to be recognized for a bunch a achievements and goals. The first would be Former President George W. Bush. The second would be Texas Governor Rick Perry, who is basically like Bush, except on steroids. Both were brilliant governors of the state of Texas, Bush having directly preceded Perry.
George W. Bush
Dubya’s brilliant leadership, especially his abuse of power, is something, ain’t it? His avid use of torture against suspected terrorists is especially to be commended. His actions in Guantanamo Bay grabbed the attention of the Amurican and international communities. That has to be a good thing, right? Sure, it did go against the eighth amendment, but you know, who cares. And anyways, this torture was for a good cause. I mean, those guys that got tortured? For God’s sake, Dubya’s sure those Axis of Evilers were going to cause the next 9/11. In fact, they were about as likely to cause a terrorist attack as me and George Bush himself. The only difference was, they were Muslim. Good job, Mr. Bush. We admire you for that, just as we admired Bloody Mary for executing non-Catholics in old England.
And another thing that we should look up to Bush for is the USA PATRIOT Act. This “constitutional” bill was a complete invasion of privacy, but it was all in the name of the War on Terror. Using GPS tracking devices, roving wiretaps, etc. on citizens without warrants puts the citizens’ constitutional rights in jeopardy--and this is the right thing to do, ain’t it?
On a different, but not unrelated note, here is the result of George W. Bush’s war in Iraq (from “The New Civil Rights Movement” website):
-Over 8 years since the March 20, 2003 invasion of Iraq
-4,479 US military fatalities
-30,182 US military injuries
-468 contractor fatalities
-103,142 to 112, 708 documented civilian deaths
-2.8 million internally displaced Iraqis
-$806 billion in federal funding for the Iraq War through FY2011
-$3 to $5 trillion in total economic cost to the US of the Iraq War (according to economists Joseph E. Stiglitz and Linda J. Blimes)
-$60 billion in US expenditures lost to waste and fraud in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001
And....
-Exactly 0 weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq
Thank you, Dubya. And I’m sure that those displaced Iraqi civilians appreciate you for this too. In fact, that Iraqi journalist, Muntadar al-Zaldi, just loved you so much that he called you a “dog” and threw two Size 10 shoes at you. Bravo!
Rick Perry
And now we come to Rick Perry--George W. Bush on steroids, and therefore someone we should look up to. He believes that Social Security is a “Ponzi scheme” designed to fool young people. He thinks that that program should be privatized and implied that perhaps it should be abolished--abolished! He does a great job, not caring about the disabled and the elderly.
And ignoring basic science to support his cause as well--well that’s just an original idea that dates back to the Catholic Church. He calls evolution a theory with little evidence to back it. Well, he did a nice job of contradicting himself, considering that the definition of a theory in science is an idea with an overwhelming amount of evidence to support it. Nice way of improving the standard of education in the US, right? Propagating the “knowledge” that humans aren’t responsible for global warming was the right thing to do as well. We should all thank him for that, especially now that we are on the brink of our planet’s ecosystem collapsing.
Also, there was that thing with Perry with that execution incident. Cameron Todd Willingham was accused of murder and arson and was executed for it in the great state of Texas. Problem is, evidence turned up, sayin’ that the fire and “murder” wasn’t arson at all. It was an accident. But, good ol’ Perry refused to grant a stay of execution. That was in 2004. In the year 2009, a report from the Texas Forensic Science Commission investigator said the fire definitely wasn’t arson. The commission then prepared to hear the investigator’s testimony. Then Perry, fired 3 of ’em, three members of the council, to delay the hearing for what seems to be forever. He’s as quick as a snake! Brilliant move, ain’t it? Just brilliant.
So listen up, y’all ’Murrican people. George Bush and Rick Perry are my heroes. For obvious reasons. So why don’t you stand up and help their cause. You’ll be understanding of their brilliant minds and strong morals. But only if you are exceptionally ignorant, or if your name is... Adolf Hitler.
A/N: I hope this didn't insult anyone on Wattpad, besides the two people I meant to criticize. Also, I hope everyone understood that this was criticism using sarcasm. Well, keep thinking about Dubya and Perry, and the effects of their leadership in politics.
