Give Me Love || PanWink /GuanHoon

♡19♡

Tittle : Jihoon's deep scar

Author's P.O.V

Flashback

Jihoon was 17 when he have his first heartbreak. This is not his first scar since he always get bullied before, this might be the 100th scar but yet, this is the deeper and the bigger scar that's craved in his heart.

'For some reason today of all days
why does my heart hurt?'

Jihoon was seating silently at the park while holding a big box with a ribbon on top of it. He humming a few happy song while waiting for his boyfriend. He felt excited because it was the first time he going through an anniversary. He never have a boyfriend before so that's the reason why he wanted this day to be the best day. However, not everything that we wanted, we will get.

His boyfriend came with a cold face. Jihoon quickly stand and offered a big smile to his boyfriend. He felt curious, why don't his boyfriend smiled? Why did his boyfriend came with an empty hand? It's not like he ask for anything, but at least, he wanted to see those smile.

'Today's the day you left me. Why do I always do lonely love? I don't understand at all,
it's a weird day'

"Why are you frowning? Did something bad happened?" Jihoon ask worriedly but he doesn't received any answer. He hold his boyfriend's face in between his small hand. He pat his boyfriend's face with full of affection and a loving eye. He love his first boyfriend, he really cherish him with his whole heart. His boyfriend slowly hold his hands. He is about to smiled when suddenly his boyfriend's push his hands away roughly. He flinched in shocked. Did he do something wrong?

"Lets end our relationship" His boyfriend said without any emotion. He looked at his boyfriend in disbelief.

"I want to ask, "why were you like that?"
Did you even love me?
Why did you hold me
and adore me like that?"

Jihoon wanted to ask a lot of thing. 'Why today of all day?' is the thing that he wanted to ask the most. He thought he could feel how is it to celebrate an anniversary.

"Why?" Is the only thing that Jihoon could ask.

"I didn't love you anymore. You are boring, you are not popular and you are the easy target for the bullies. I don't want to involve with your problem. Honestly, I felt embarrassed when people saw me walking with you. I deserved someone better, and that someone is not you" His boyfriend's word bring him back to reality. It cut his heart deeper than the knife. Then again, who is he to received those love? He doesn't deserved to be loved by anybody. He would only bring them down with him.

"Thank you for loving me before. You deserved that someone, I will support you" Jihoon smiled bitterly. He watched the guy that used to be his boyfriend walked away.

'It's like I'm the only one
living in a world like this.
I only stare, I can't stop
but I live with a hurt heart. It's completely unfair, I can't stand it. Please come back to me'

He wanted to run and hug his boyfriend badly. He wanted to yelled a 'please come back' to him. He wanted to tell him that he couldn't leave without him, that he needed someone to love him, to bring him back to life.

He think to himself, was he the only one who living in the miserable world like this? He watch the kids running around the park happily with their family. He got his answer, yes he is the only one. It was unfair, why can't anybody else feel it? Why can't he shared his miserable world with the others? Why can't the others shared their happy world with him?