Jasper Jordan - The 100 Imagines & Drabbles

Jasper Jordan - "I was feeling epic"

(Triggerwarning: Suicidal thoughts)

"Jasper..." You sat down on the chair next to him. You and Jasper had once been best friends. You shared everything with him and he shared everything with you. But the last couple of weeks you had the feeling that he was keeping secrets, that he was not telling you everything, that he was not telling you anything.

"Yes?" He curled his lips up into a smile. He had grown years older after he had lost Maia, after Clarke and Bellamy had killed her, after they had decided that the lives of their friends were more important than the lives of those who had been stuck in the mountain for as long as they could remember.

"How are you doing?" You cocked your head a little and kept your glance locked with his. You had never seen this kind of sadness in someone's eyes before, you had never seen this kind of grief in someone's eyes before.

"I'm great, how are you?" Jasper leaned back in his chair, but even though he had his lips still curled up into a smile, his eyes never smiled along.

"You're not doing great. You're not doing fine. You're not doing well at all." You shook your head and shove a little closer towards him. "I know that we didn't have much time to talk to each other lately, but I'm still there for you, I'll always be there for you. Just like I promised during that one night, remember?"

"We were five!" Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "We swore on that night we'd be friends till we die." He raised his eyebrows. "We didn't know what we were promising."

"I did." You nodded at him and softened your voice. "I know what we've promised and I'm keeping that promise. And up until a few months ago, I was actually certain that you still remembered that promise too, that you still lived by it too."

Jasper let out a chuckle. "You don't need to keep a promise we made when we were five. Why should you? People don't even keep promises they made minutes ago." He rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Did you see me, in the rain? I was feeling epic!"

"Yes!" You raised your voice! "You were feeling epic because you thought that you were gonna die!" You slammed your fist on the table in front of him. "And you might be totally okay with dying after everything that has happened, but I'm not. I'm not okay with you dying and I'm not okay with me dying. And please, please tell me you're not really okay with you dying either."

Jasper let out a giggle again. "I can say what you want to hear, but I guess I'm a bad liar since you didn't believe I was feeling great either." He folded his hands behind his back. "I'm fine with dying. This entire world can die. Everyone living in it can die."

"Jasper..." You reached for his hand and pulled him closer towards you. "I know that right now it seems like the rest of your life is gonna be like this, but..." You paused for a moment. "Do you trust me?" You bit your lip. "I really think that it's gonna be better one day."

"I trust you." Jasper stood up from his seat. "I don't trust them. So no, I don't think it's gonna be better one day. It's gonna be like this forever, until the earth ends." He threw his hands in the air. "And luckily that will be quite soon."