Stranger Times

Rex (Smackdown Entry #5)

The lights faded theatrically, drawing the audience into an anxious hush.

Max leaned back into his seat, resting his right foot on his left knee as he turned on the recording feature built into his glasses. He smiled, stared forward, and waited.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!"

The voice thundered through the auditorium, booming through dozens of speakers, shaking the seats, rattling the doors, and stabbing at Max's ears.

As the echoes died off a spotlight illumined the stage, to reveal a woman in a white dress. She wore absurdly high heels, her hair was so blonde that the strands may as well be plated in chrome, and her manic smile didn't reach her wide, terrified eyes.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Candice McTorman, and it is my privilege to be the first to tell you that MonsantoGenome has done the impossible!" the woman cried out, cheering in a convincing imitation of a victorious cricket player. Her bloodshot eyes, and the small steaks in her mascara, were the only hint that her mood might not be genuine.

"Ever since the world's population has reached nine billion, we've struggled to bring new meats to the world's hungry mouths," Candice said, beginning to spin her tale. Max grinned, and let a Wikipedia feed scroll in a semi-transparent font in a corner.

Max added a few headlines to the recording feed being broadcast by his glasses. He added a news story about a ban on the sale of any non-domesticated meat and followed it with a later story about an active ban on all factory farming. He added one or two news articles about cricket flour and the fake hamburger fiascos of 2021.

"We only have three animals to eat, and even then, only sparingly. Beef, chicken, and pork. The last time someone was legally allowed to sell a bison steak, they made enough money to buy an island!" Candice announced.

Candice smirked and paused for dramatic effect. She then added, "not a big island, but still!"

A sizeable portion of the crowd laughed at that. Mostly the expensive suits up front, where the potential investors were seated. The press, and other riffraff like local politicians, were held as far away from the moneyed people as possible.

"But MonsantoGenome has found a legal way to sell exotic meat to a hungry world. There's a fortune to be made!" Candice exclaimed, clapping her hands and stretching her face in a smile, like she was trying to remind herself to be happy.

As the applause died down, Candice added, "it's safe, natural, legal, and most importantly; tasty."

"Now, some of you might be wondering why we're making this announcement here, at this backwater little continent that can't even manage to be the largest country in the world," Candice said, eliciting more guffaws from the moneyed guests at the front. "And what sort of exotic meat could we be allowed to cultivate legally in a land where pretty much everything is poisonous?"

Candice paused for dramatic effect, before she asked, "and how did we get around the 2027 treaty banning the sale of non-domesticated meat?"

Candice paused again, letting the question hang in the dead air.

Max leaned forward, the amused grin fading from his face.

"We find an animal, and domesticate it." Candice said with the same demeaning tone that Martha Stewart used when she uttered her famous catchphrase 'it's just that easy'.

To judge by the audience's reaction, her news was delivered to exactly the right audience. Cheers erupted in the front rows, with a crowd of people rising to their feet, chanting; "Genome! Genome! Genome!"