Where is my Mind?

Chapter 1

I loved my boyfriend. He was sweet, poetic,and even a little geeky. We were like best friends, always sitting together in class, giggling at inside jokes, and sometimes, even holding hands when no one was looking. Isaac and I had been together for about six months, and we were both freshman.
I liked running, and track season was coming up, but it started half an hour after school let out. This meant that I would have half an hour to spare before I had to go to the gym. I was so excited about this because that was half an hour that I got to spend with my boyfriend. More time looking into those icy blue eyes and kissing those familiar lips.
The first day of track was totally anxiety-inducing. My school was huge, so I hardly knew anyone. I sat on the bleachers of where I assumed I was supposed to be, and I sat with the rest of the girls, but I didn't say anything. I made slight observations, noting the high number of bleach-blond pony tails facing me. I watched absentmindedly as one of them lifted a water bottle to their colored and unblemished lips. A bead of sweat was forming on my own eyebrow from the stifling heat of the gymnasium, and I was thirsty too. I reached down for my own water bottle, but found that it wasn't with me. I froze, realizing that I had left it in my last class.
Everyone was already walking down to the track field, but I remained still. I couldn't go down to the field with the relentless heat and no water. What should I do?! Where should I go?! I suppose that most high school girls would just go retrieve their forgotten water bottle and join up with the rest of the track team afterward. But public school didn't exactly alleviate social anxiety or boost self confidence, and I was afraid to move. You'd think that I'd know my way around my own school, but our was huge, and I had never had a reason to go to the track field. If I left to get my water bottle, I'd probably get lost trying to find the right field on my own. I bet I looked like an idiot, just standing here.
A guy, obviously a senior, began to walk towards me, and my heart picked up pace. The last thing I needed was someone trying to hit on me. He was tall and blond, and his shirt was a sort of advertisement for one of my favorite bands. If I had been single, I would have admitted that he was kinda cute. I'd noticed him a few minutes before, standing around with the rest of the track guys. I was prepared to tell him to get lost.
"Are you alright? You look a little lost," he asked me.
"I, uh," I stuttered. Think, think, think. "I'm thirsty." well shit, that didn't come out right. "I lost my water bottle. I mean, it's not lost, I left it. In a classroom. By accident." Christ, that was cringeworthy.
He chuckled amusedly. "You want me to go with you to get it?" he asked me.
"Uh, sure." Me, a freshman, going off alone with a senior on the first day of track, while I had a boyfriend. So much for telling him to get lost. But what else was I supposed to do? I didn't want to go alone, and I definitely didn't want to suffer through track practice with no water. God, I was terrible at this whole high school life thing.
His name was Justin. No, not Justin, but Justyn, with a "Y". But I wouldn't find out about the "Y" until much later. He said he didn't like telling people the proper spelling of his name because it was weird and made it look like a more feminine name.
Justyn was nice, and I liked him. Not like liked him, because that would be wrong. But like in the way you liked a bunch of different music bands, maybe the ones that had been recommended to you, but you didn't like like the ones other people had shown you, because you were already in love with the bands that you had found by yourself. No, I didn't like like Justyn.
But Justyn had my back throughout all of track. I wasn't good at making friends, so I didn't. But Justyn had come up to me on that very first day, therefore he had made friends with me. He had ran track and cross-country since his freshman year, and therefore knew all the workouts, all the coaches, and all of the cool running trails.
He was also much fitter than me, although I tried not to show weakness. I was a long distance runner on the track team, and so was Justyn. Although I didn't know Justyn all that well, he seemed to always know when I needed to stop to catch my breath, or even when I was having a bad day.
Justyn and I became good friends that track season, and we learned a lot about each other. He knew I had a boyfriend, and he knew that I didn't like like him. But I had a feeling that he liked me in that like like sort of way.
If I could say one thing about Justyn, it was that I could definitely trust him. Looking back at my freshman self, it was pretty unwise of me to be going off alone so much with Justyn on trails and such. But never once did he make me feel uncomfortable, or even so much as try to make a move towards me. Even after I broke up with my boyfriend.
Isaac and I had grown too distant, and our conversations were always the same. It had nothing to do with Justyn. Isaac and I had just lost our spark, and Justyn was just my friend. I had been upset about the breakup, but not as upset as I felt that I should be. Somehow, Justyn understood this, and he had my back.
The track season resumed as normal, and my relationship with Justyn grew. We ran together, laughed together, even shared little secrets such as the way his name is spelled. On our runs, he was always my motivator, but he never tried to push me too far. No, I was the one who pushed myself too far.
We were getting ready for the final track meet, and it was our last track practice. Justyn and I had decided to take a longer trail than usual; I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I remember beginning to feel lightheaded on the way back to the school on that run, and then the earth moved out from underneath me, and I was watching as the ground raced upwards.