caim , book 2 // (( yuzuru hanyu × OC ))

第二

you started grabbing at all the photobooks i had. you grabbed at every single one , flipping the pages , trying to find stuff youd recognise.

it was saddening. and seeing as to how tired you were while flipping the books , i felt so emotionally exhausted for you too. i probably couldnt imagine myself going through everything like this. you were so strong. and compared to you , id been so... weak.

" so , we've known each other for how long now ?"

" as old as we both are."

"wow, we're old," you said while chuckling.

makoto , i wish i told you more about how i loved you. and how much i missed you.and how much i needed you.

and how much i wanted you.

even if i wanted you so badly , i couldnt let you just run off  because i was about to hug you. what if you pushed me off like you did in the hospital.

i wasnt about to let history repeat itself. i didnt want to let it. i wasnt going to.

even if i had to kill myself to , i wasnt about to let me scare you off just because i loved you so much. as a sister , i think. i wasnt so sure anymore. youd been confusing me. id been confusing me.

i didnt even know what we were anymore. also , what were you and kei ? you never told me anything. you told me souch of your feelings in your notes , but were they gone now ? did you no longer like me ?

i turned back you to you , all serious while looking at the photos and decided that i should have helped you through the books. after all , youd already gone through about three of them.

and then , right at that moment , you flipped to a page where your sister , you and i had taken when we both had graduated from middle school. that was back when i still liked her. when i thought of her so much. so i sighed at that thought.

you turned your head to me , but before a second was even up , you shrieked , grabbing your head and writhing in pain. you dug your nails into my bedsheets as you struggled to get rid of some kind of unknown pain , all before you cried and looked up at me. your glossy eyes and vulnerable state pierced through my heart. seeing you , made me feel so pain inside. why ?

" was it really you ? " was the first thing that came out of your head.

i was shocked. had you really remembered ? but you had cried. what did you remember ?

" what did you remember this time ? " i asked.

without hesitation , you replied.

" yuzu, " you said , " i remembered you. the face cleared up. it was you. but you ignored me. "

your face in that moment , was the fear that id hoped id never see in my entire life. the fear of me. id always been scared that one day , youd end up hating me. and that day seemed to descend upon me at such a moment for i saw such fear and betrayal towards me.

" i can explain— " i said , reaching out to you and trying to get you to understand , but you slapped my hand away , tears staining your face.