A Confession Of Heart

Chapter Three

"It's just goodbye it's not the end"
I could only hope to believe that. Every growing moment contaminates my heart with bitterness. My life slowly becoming more and more shattered....My dad storms into the room randomly. It's almost impossible to believe he's up at this time. Normally, he would be at work or sleeping. He looks at me for a moment. My downward spiral has begun.

"You know that's my shirt...right? Take it off , now."

I reply to him "But... grandma put it my drawer"

He refuses to listen to my words. My brothers words are the harshest as he laughs stating that he was "right." I take it off and replace the shirt with a simpler one. My brother continues to laugh and mock me as I hold back tears of fustration. It's too late to stop myself before I begin to shake and cry.

"YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING TO STOP HIM! HE BOTHERS ME AND YET YOU LET IT HAPPEN! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE A PARENT?" I scream through tears

"Tell me anything like that again and you can say goodbye to your phone" He looked at me with bitterness. He tells my brother to leave the room and with that leave me alone. My brother laughs as he walks out of the room. It's impossible to win anymore. What was I even good for?

I lay in my bed with tears streaming down my face. I realized really quickly how alone I was. There was no one there for me. I would have to live this forever. Since third grade I've been so alone and now I'm more alone than ever. I know other people are suffering but this is just too much mental abuse and I can't take it anymore. My grandma would frame me for everything, my brother constantly getting away with bad behavior and my dad never stepping up to be a parent. Nothing would change , fuck the light at the end of the tunnel , their is no happy ending to my story. Tears came harder and my eyes began changing from green to blue. I was a fearful coward. Until this moment, I never considered taking to heart one of my suicide plans. I was done. I lived out the rest of the day like it was the best day of my life. I dressed up and I was kind to my family.

The next morning I almost raced out of bed , to get dressed and eat. I took my bag for the last time knowing I'd never have to stress again. I would be free from all the suffering. I didn't tell anyone of my plans , what was the point? They would try to stop me. I ran to catch the bus just on time and swiped my metro card for the last time. Finally, I arrived at the train station and from their I swiped my metro.

I looked at the train tracks below me and smirked. I was so happy that it was crazy. I took out my headphones and put on my favorite song for the moment, "Little Talks" and put up my hair. A voice comes from behind me and long and behold Sammy was their. She looked at me and looked at the tracks. Something told me she knew what I was planning to do.

"This isn't funny! Don't do what I know you're thinking." She came a little bit closer so I would hear her clearly.

"But I'm not laughing, I'm crying" I smiled so wide and tears formed in my eyes. I came close to her and hugged her tightly. I heard the sound of the train and turned the volume all the way up on my headphones. I jumped and hung on to the ledge , ready for the train.

"YOU GET HERE NOW OR I'M JUMPING IN AFTER YOU" Sammy screamed

"HELL NO. LET ME DIE" I cried , taking the headphones and throwing them off the track. I didn't deserve to die listening to my favorite music. I looked at her and she looked at me. She breathed heavily before jumping in after me. The train was coming faster now. A woman offered me her hand. She was strong and muscular. I knew within a matter of seconds that only one of us wouldn't be hit by this train. I picked Sammy up with all my might and the woman pulled her to safety. Before the world stopped, I glanced at her and I couldn't recognize the emotion written in her eyes. I could have stopped this , I didn't have to die yet. But it was too late for regrets. I got my wish as the train hit me.

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"NOOOOOOOO" Sammy looked at her body. Other passengers took minor notice of the girls. To them , she was just another stupid teen. By the time officials arrived, it was almost a guarantee that she was dead. They air lifted her to a hospital which is a rare sight for anyone in NYC to witness. The hospital she was airlifted to looked for a pulse , any sign of hope to offer. Family members, and her camp friends waited as the doctor checked for a pulse. Their was no pulse to be found. She was pronounced dead.