Forgetting Alex

JUNE 23, 2016

JUNE 23, 2016

I looked through your phone today. There is no other way to say it. I felt like there was something in there that might lead me to you but I didn’t. 

I found out that you have the worst possible photos of me. I also found out that you have a playlist with my name on your iTunes library. How’d you know I love NSYNC? I never told you that.

My life is revolving around you a little bit less every day and I feel like something’s wrong.  

When we fought before, I wouldn’t be upset about it, knowing we’d eventually make up and forgive each other. But this, Alex...I feel like you’re not coming back, not even for a minute.

I woke up today to fourteen missed calls from your mom. I thought she found you or you called, or at least something of that sort. I just wanted to hear some news about you. Any news.

But she didn’t even mention you. She called to let me know that Tyler woke up. She was in the hospital getting her leg checked and she got the news. I have never smiled this much since you left.

I just got back from Tyler at the hospital and he looks so healthy and relaxed. He asked about me, mom, dad, everyone. Then he said; “Alright Alex, joke’s over, where are you man?” 

Myself, your mom, my parents, and some of his friends all turned into statues, silent and unable to move. 

He noticed the different vibe taking over the hospital room and started getting out of the bed. You know he’s going to kill you once you come back right? 

If you ever will.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re safe. I hope I’m still somewhere in your heart. I hope you know how much I love you.

I can’t put it into words. How about Voltaire doing that for me?

The Hague 1713

I am a prisoner here in the name of the King;

they can take my life, but not the love that I feel for you.

Yes, my adorable mistress, to-night I shall see you, if I had to put my head on the block to do it.

For heaven's sake, do not speak to me in such disastrous terms as you write; you must live and be cautious; beware of Madame your mother as of your worst enemy.

What do I say?

Beware of everybody; trust no one; keep yourself in readiness, as soon as the moon is visible; I shall leave the hotel incognito, take a carriage or a chaise, we shall drive like the wind to Sheveningen; I shall take paper and ink with me; we shall write our letters.

If you love me, reassure yourself; and call all your strength and presence of mind to your aid; do not let your mother notice anything, try to have your pictures, and be assured that the menace of the greatest tortures will not prevent me to serve you.

No, nothing has the power to part me from you; our love is based upon virtue, and will last as long as our lives.

Adieu, there is nothing that I will not brave for your sake; you deserve much more than that.

Adieu, my dear heart!

Arout

 All I can say is I love you always. 

Mia.