Awakened

    It always fascinated me how non-depressed people talk to depressed people. They always bring up the phrase, "Just be happy," as if I'm going to wake up one morning and say, "Hey, you know what? Today I'm going to get up and go along with my day and talk to people and be the happiest son of a bitch I can possibly be." 

    I'm going to let you in on a little secret. That's not the way it works.

    Exercise isn't the key to eternal joy either. Neither is socialization, family time, or drugs. I've never actually tried drugs, though, so I may be wrong on the last one. 

    Just kidding. Don't do drugs.

    Anyway, you may be thinking, "Hey, Kai, what IS the key to eternal joy?" Well my answer is simple.

    I have no clue.

    When you are depressed throughout your entire life, you gain a different perspective on life. My perspective was that life sucks and you're going to have to just suck it up and deal with it.

    I may sound like a pessimist, but I'm not. I'm a realist. I think I used to be an optimist when I was about 6, but apparently it all went downhill from there. 

    When I think of myself and my life, I don't think of it as the toughest thing in the world. That may or may not have to do with the fact that I'm used to misery and despair, but you never know. When I compare my life to those of my peers, mine seems like hell in a hand basket. However, as I've come to realize, everyone has their own story. The head cheerleader may be a meth addict. The nerdy boy may be emotionally abused at home. You don't know anything about them. Sure, you can hate people all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you don't know the half of what they may be going through.

    Though I may be wrong. That head cheerleader may be a flawless bitch, equal to the likes of Beyonce. 

    But even Beyonce has her own story and struggles.

    As you read on, you'll realize the importance of what I'm saying, why I'm saying it, and how I learned it.

    But even if you decide against reading the rest of my story, keep in mind the following:

    Everyone has their own story.    

    No one is as they seem.

    Everyone has something to hide.

    And most importantly, you don't know the half of it.