"The pressure of this life is so you can't be held accountable. If you go, you go."
I pull my hands out of his grasp and his lips part to speak one more sentence.
"You've gotta turn that around."
- contains spoilers for the new movie ! -
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"You're leaving me."
My voice wavered as I looked into the never ending horizon before me, the lives of so many carrying on while it felt like mine was ending.
"I'm trying to keep you safe," he said, a rough hand touching my shoulder just barely, a desperate attempt to comfort my aching heart.
"Then leave already. And don't bother coming back," I muttered, trying my best to sound angry but to no avail. It felt like everything was being taken away right before my eyes, and I could do nothing to save any of it. My hands were tied. And all the ones I loved were leaving me behind to slowly fade into another life.
"Ama..." my father whispered, as if he was begging me to take back what I had said.
I finally turned around to face him, the last thing I had wanted to do. "Don't call me that. It's Amaryllis. Maybe if you had helped raise me or at least checked in once in a while I wouldn't have a problem with it," I spat, shoving his hand off my shoulder.
"You know I couldn't. I tried. But I couldn't bring danger to you. And that's why I'm doing this right now," he sighed. I knew where he was coming from. But something inside of me was stirring, the urge to push him away even if it was the last time I would ever see him. My dad.
"So this is where I die..." I whispered, my fingertips just barely grazing the tall grass surrounding us for the next couple of miles before leading into a forest.
"I'm coming back for you. They don't call me Han Solo for nothing," my father stated, grabbing me by the shoulders. My throat tightened and I felt the first of many tears escaping from my eyes. I had never let my father see me cry. Or anyone, for that matter. "Hey, kiddo. This isn't goodbye. It's just...It's just a 'see you later.'"
"Please don't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone. I can't be on my own, dad," I sobbed, engulfing him in a tight hug. He staggered backward, shocked my my gesture. But soon his arms wrapped around me for a long while, his hands smoothing my brown hair that had gotten tangled on the ship.
"Ama, you're strong. This isn't forever. And I wish I could keep you safe but I can't right now. Just wait a few years. When you're old enough to join the Rebellion. That's when I'll come back. And then I promise I'll never have to leave you again. But I am not losing you to them," he said, finally letting go of me.
I wiped the tears from my swollen face and stared at him. "Chin up, kid."
I smiled weakly at him and watched as he broke the string of a necklace around his neck, gazing at it for a moment before placing it in my hands. It had a pendant with the symbol of the Rebel Alliance. "So you don't forget about us."
I stared at it and glanced up to thank him but he was already boarding his ship, followed by my favorite Wookie.
I held the pendant close to my heart as I watched them take off, disappearing into the stars all over again.
