She was unwanted since creation
Conceived before marriage vows were mentioned
Changed mommy and daddy's lives forever
Made society look at them with disgust and anger
Grew up chubby
Got teased by uncle and mommy
" 'Cute' is for skinny girls", he said
"Get off your ass, it's big already," she said
Self-hate began at age four
The pretty girls in the TV and more
I wish I had a nose like her
Why can't my lips be smaller?
I wish my eyes were bigger
Why can't my brows be thicker?
Every inch of her face she hated
She disliked how she was created
For they did not match the images on TV
White girls with fair features oh so pretty
Her life was filled with diet after diet
But nothing made her feel less of a giant
Now almost thirty
She has never felt a man's love in reality
The search has no end
The search for a first boyfriend
Her heart breaks to pieces
Every time she sees a young couple kisses
She only gets attention from those twice her age
Not an offer she's willing to ever engage
"Every pot has a lid," they say
"You'll find someone," they say
She knows none of those words contain truth
Empty words meant to temporarily soothe
To those saying "just work on yourself"
She says, "I don't know how else to work on myself
For work on myself I did
I'm now already an awesome kid"
She had indeed worked so hard
To be strong, the whole nine yard
But she is still invisible to men
They only see her as an ugly, fat hen
When the dark comes
To the dark thoughts she succumbs
The feeling of sitting in a deep, dark well
With smooth walls and no one to hear her yell
She looks up and hopes to see a light
A sign that one day, she will be alright
The light is never there
She is trapped inside the well
Until death shows its sweet mercy
Maybe I should accelerate its coming
Because why am I even on this earth?
Life only hands me endless tasks and responsibilities
When I can't have the only joy I ask from it:
To share my life with someone
To love and to be loved
To feel like I am worth something
So now she doesn't give a fuck anymore
For the sake of her little brother she won't take the pills
But she is bound to a life of loneliness
A life of misery
For she is undeserving
Unworthy
Of anything.
