Swish and Flick

Chapter 4: The Humping Willow

Lauren

After my first few weeks of mishaps and ghost encounters and near-death accidents, it seems that my fate has finally taken a nice turn.

But not before one huge traumatizing incident I've had with The Humping Willow at the school grounds that gave me a week's worth of nightmares.

See, I've made a mistake of deciding to read my book under this majestic-looking tree with big roots and branches, not thinking that I can't even be safe under a tree, because, seriously though, it's a fucking tree! I love trees, and I always thought that trees loved me back, so when I sat my ass down on the nook between the humongous tree roots of The Humping Willow, I never expected a tree could do such a horrible thing to a first year student.

The first time I felt it, I thought I sat on a ferret or a tiny squirrel, so I peeked under my butt, but I saw nothing. The second time it happened, I was already a few pages into my book (The Standard Book of Spells by Miranda Goshawk) and that's when I felt a sharp poke on my asshole and I swear I jumped five feet off the ground when I saw a thick root snaking its way in between my legs.

But before I managed to escape, the tree's branches started to twist around my wrists, and I watched in horror as the thick gnarly roots slithered around my legs and settling against my buttcrack, and started humping me.

I shrieked and yelled and tried to escape the tree, but all it did was tighten its grip on me as it literally dry humped me, and one of the smaller root settled in between my legs and rubbed itself against the crotch of my jeans (which I like to wear under my school robe). It's apparently a gentle root though because it never tried to push itself too harshly against me, unlike the stupid root on my buttcrack which is obviously trying to find its way inside my jeans and into my ass.

And just when I was about to lose hope, as I find myself dangling mid-air once again while The Humping Willow is having its merry way with me, I felt the tree loosen its grip on me, just enough to wriggle my way out of its predatory claws. I prepared to run the hell away from this godforsaken tree, when I thought the tree came back for me as I felt warm hands grab my waist, but then I realized that trees don't have hands, and definitely not with a soothing voice asking me if I was okay.

So I turned around and saw Camila, with a concerned look on her face, and I quickly hugged her, because damn it I was severely traumatized! I could still feel that thing poking me in the ass! Not even my boyfriend (no, ex-boyfriend -- my sister told me she saw him canoodling with our Chemistry teacher at the backseat of his rickety car) was allowed entry in there, so, fuck you, tree!

"Oh my god, Camila! Thank you for saving my life! Again!" I gushed appreciatively.

"Don't thank me. Thank my Pussy... You can pet her if you want, she likes that a lot."

"Y-your pussy?" I asked in confusion. What the fuck is wrong with this school? Why is everything so weird?

"Yes," Camila pointed at the tree, and then she whistled and I saw a streak of black running towards her and jumping up her arms. "Lauren, meet my cat, Pussy. I just got her a few days ago."

Oh.

"Hello, Pussy." I smiled as I pat its shiny black furry head, and it gave a loud appreciative purr.

"I told you cats are more useful than dogs." Camila says. "See, the secret to defeating The Humping Willow is by pressing a small knot hidden among its roots and it'll totally be immobilized," she points at the direction where Pussy ran away from a few minutes ago, "and cats are really good at pushing buttons."

"Leo could easily do that." I said, ready to defend my own pet.

"Oh yeah? Well, where is your trusty Leo now?" Camila smirked.