Letters to my Flatmate (Phan fic)

🌲🎁☦️😍💀

"Svetlana! My sweet baby honey nectar, aren't you gonna come with us into the house?" Dan asked half heartly. "No my true love, I need to go diamond shopping. Diamonds make my teeth nice and sharp 😛." Sveltka said in a scheming fashion.

Sveltka sped like a nascar driver. 100 mph, 40 mph it didn't make a difference to her. She had to get to the hospital to claim her homosexual boyfriend back! Sveltka screeched to a halt as the hospital came into her feild of vison. She ran out of the car and went to the coma ward. "DOCTOR! I NEED A DOCTOR!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. A young, tall, man with a boyfriend named ***, named nik saw her yelling and screeching like an ugly duck. Mr Sheikman approached the crazy woman and asked her "what's wrong?" In a gross fake voice. Sveltka snarled at him and pulled out $100,000 in cash out of her bear fur coat. "mIster doctor, I need your help. Very easy. I have money for you. She hissed  like a snake. "Lmao kk bitchy money is 😛😛😛" he expressed.

Back at the apartment....

Dan and Phil were sitting on the ground playing Monopoly, when the home telephone rung. Dan padded up to it and grabbed it severly. "Hello Howell residence?" he said. "HURRY! WE MADE A MISDIAGNOSIS! PHIL ACTULLY MGHT DIE SOON TAKE HIM BACK ASAP 💀💀" the doctor yelled as Dan started to shake with the fear of his ~fuckbuddy~ friend dying. "PHIL, GET IN THE CAR HURRY YOU MIGHT DIE €_€ ION WANT THAT GO GO GO GO GO INTO THE CAR." Dan said. Phil sprinted (or at least tried to) for the car, and Dan started the engine.

back at the hospital again

"my name is doctor Sheikman and I'll be helping you today with your little .... Incident." Nik said worriedly. A nurse approached the room and did a little twirl bc she was THAT BITCH. "This is my colleague Isabel, she'll be helping you like breathe and stuff uwu." He explained. Dan because a little weary. "So what exactly happened doctor?" He inquired. Well, you see, your husband here was in shock. And if you're still piping that fake mess then Phil's gonna be pressed. If he's pressed he could die." The doctor said nervously. "Don't worry I have a rodent and he gets pressed when we bring up the hat fic so lol too bad I guess." Isabel said in a truthful matter. "So can he get up errrrrrrrrr" Dan asked bc he wanted to know if they could still pipe. "Yea don't worry just don't make him more pressed then he already is. Btwhesgonnadielmaogoodluck" Nik said VERY QUICKLY as he dropped an online article saying "things you should do before you die" Dan almost started to cry but, he realized, that on that list, it probably said something about dick so he was happy. "Well lmao let's do it owo." Dan said happily ^_^. Isabel hooked Phil up to a little pack of foreign fluid and started to think of c6. Phil started to turn purple, and he choked out "can we get aspirin or some sort of drug?¿ -_-" "well you're in luck, the first one on the list is to do drugs"

Dan, Phil, and Isabel all walked outside of the hospital nonchalantly. They took a sharp turn near a Safeway with a Starbucks near by it. They encouraged the Safeway alley, a Haven for every drug known to man kind. A dark figure looked in the distance. It turned around. It was....... kami wearing her mask bc she had a sore throat. "Do you kids want some good kush 🤑" she barely breathed out as she coughed. "Yes plz 😋😋😋" they all simulatously said . "So what are you guys doing at a Safeway alley at 4pm on a Saturday?" She asked. "Well this bitch is highkey dying rn soooo we doing hella bonk gang shit rn lol. I mean, his body is deconstructing, so we are using his last efforts to try uncharted expectancies and values." Dan explained for the still looking very purple Phil. "POP OFF KING DIE ON US YES MOMMY I'M STANNING 😍❗️❗️😝. When I was your age, I was a successful writer! My book got hecka reads. Blessed 😌💹." Kami said as the words slipped of her tounge with briskness. " Oh lmao can't relate we have nothing and we still want our drugs wtf I'm calling yelp." Isabel angrily demanded. "K fine" kami sighed as she handed them a bag of flour. They all dunked their noses into the thick substance and started to smell The aroma of fresh flour. "Also can I come with you guys :3?" Kami humbly asked. "Kk" they all said at the same time.

In the hospital/not where they are

Svetlanas crusty old ihoe -80 started ringing vigorously. "ALLO" she answered. "hi this is Nik, the person you have that shit load of cash to. So  they all left to do a list so Phil isn't dead yet so you just got fucking scammed and ya I'm not finna killing him r u dumb lmao bye." Nik quickly said into the phone. Sveltka rolled up her dirty sleeves and muttered "time to take this into hands of sveltka"

back at our favs

"What's next?" Phil asked eagerlier as if he HADENT heard he might die soon. "Well, *COUGHS* we could go to a lil MIQUALA concert. It says go to a concert AND BELOW IT SAYS ALSO MEET A ROBOT. honestly I'm killing two birds with one firework 😌" kami croaked. Isabel pulled out her iPhone 800 and orderered a Lyft for all of the gang.
A pink Lamborghini pulled up to the Safeway pumping Billie eyelash. The driver Arianne was ripping up Melanie merch when she realized that her customers had finallylyylyl arrived. "Y'all slow Noah fence." She scoffed with relatableness. They all at the same time shouted "THE LIL MIQUALA CONCERT 😝😝😝." AIRiannes face LIT UP and said "GOOD because that's where I was gonna go regardless DX."

they all arrivered at the concert all, and watched in awe as lil MIQUALA started singing her title track, not mine.
"Not mine, you just wanna waste my time
Can't let you get away on my dime
I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm fine
I'm fine, you know I'll be just alright
I'm cool, I'm just out here living my life" EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING. "POP OFF ❗️❗️❗️, TURN UP MY B 🔊🔊, and PRESS ME WITH A SCANDLE 😍😍😍😍 could all be heard in the wild autotorium. Then, a fashion style icon stepped from the sidelines and started to take over MIQUALA's spotlight. "One sec lmao lemme song something Dont worry 😛" Miquala nodded her head. AIDREEN STARTED BURSTING MUSICAL GENIUS FROM HER MAGICAL SINGINF PIPES. "aLL I WANT FOR CHRISTMASES ISSSSSSSSSSSS 👨🏻‍💼,💸,🤑,💵,💲,🍆,🤱" THE AUDIENCE WENT CRAZY, PHIL OPENED UP HOS POCKETS AND STARTED THROING credit cards and his ID at her. but, the celebration didn't last long. Sveltka didn't like fun

Sveltka kicked open the double doors and broke her 20 inch stilt-like stilettos. She was holding a tiger in her arms and she was hissing at it to calm down. " STAY AWAY FROM MY MANS U THOT 🛑🛑🚦" she said in her thick accent. SHE RELEASED THE LION INTO THE CROWD AIMING AT PHIL, when AIdreen threw her microphone at the tiger, and instead of killing Phil, the tiger just started eating the microphone. Isabel JUMPED ANS started throwing syringes at Sveltka full of flu shot. Kami started flinging surgeon masks full of unidentified liquid at her, while AIRianne took her Lamborghini and drove into the autotorium running Sveltka over. "It's over Dan exasperated.

L A T E R

"today we join these couples in holy marriage matrimony tax benefits and love" At the alter stood Isabel with her c6, AIdreen with percy Jackson 😝, AIRianne with her j6, and KAMI with j6 her dabbing king 😌, and Dan and Phil lol oops dx, AND S3 AND NIK. "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE SPOUCE" everyone's hands started going into the air with celebration, but not Sveltka, because her whole body was just broken 💀. Nik trodded to her after the marriage and flexed the money SHE GAVE HIM, and then since then, sveltka has been plotting revenge. Xoxo Gossip girl

Merry chistlyer
Maybe next year a sequel? Or not dx