First Christmas Without You- Wolfstar Short Story (Universe Alterations)

Remus, January 1st, 1982

Sirius,

I've made my decision. I'm going to try and carry on. It's my new year's resolution, I guess. But it's going to take ages.

I went down again today, and they said that I would be allowed to meet you. They don't know when. They're trying to not let me, trying to make me change my mind, as they said the wait time will be a few years.

It feels like nothing, I don't feel anything anymore, except occasionally I break down, but it's better than the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry, it makes me feel human, instead of a living corpse. I wonder if this is what it's like to be soulless.

I'm just keep carrying on. This Christmas was okay, I got some stuff, my parents dropped by, but it was lonely.

I doubt you're well, So I won't even ask.

I love you so, so much that it hurts. Living in the past hurts. But it's what I'm doing, and I can't help it.

Remus

~~~

It was a short letter, straight and to the point. There were other letters from that year, and the next two years afterwards.

I walked downstairs slowly, and, as a way of trying to let go, threw the letters in the fire, one by one. It was a way of letting go, after 5 years of holding on.

I watched the papers burn, burning like the warmth I've been so lucky to have lately.

I decided not to visit. It would be better for both of us.