The FireFly Notebook

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katniss

A tech guy hooks up a microphone to my dress as we stand, waiting backstage. Effie squeezes my shoulders causing me to glance behind me. "You'll do amazing as always sweetie."

I softly graze my hand on hers before her heels click off. I step on the stage, getting into position as the lights are all dark and the curtain is covering the stage. I breathe in and out, trying to prepare myself for all the questions and everything. I hear Ellen yell as the curtain begins to pull. "Now the hottest female artist in the world is here singing two of her new songs, I Have Questions and Sleep Talking!"

Everyone begins to applaud as the beat starts. I know all of the lyrics and dance moves, I just need to breathe. "Why did you leave me here to burn?
I'm way too young to be this hurt. I feel doomed in hotel rooms. Staring straight up at the wall. Counting wounds and I am tryin' to numb them all."

The lights start to grow brighter as I finally move from my position to the front of the stage. "Do you care, do you care? Why don't you care? I gave you all of me. My blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears. Why don't you care, why don't you care? I was there, I was there, when no one was. Now you're gone and I'm here."

I run my fingers through my hair as I close my eyes softly.  "I have questions for you. Number one, tell me who you think you are? You've got some nerve tryin' to tear my faith apart."

My backup singers start the verse, "I have questions for you."

"Number two, why would you try and play me for a fool? I should have never, ever, ever trusted you!" I feel as if I should've never trusted David, I should've never said yes to going on a date. I thought I could get over Peeta that way, but of course I couldn't.

"I have questions."

"Number three, why weren't you, who you swore that you would be? I have questions, I've got questions haunting me. I have questions for you. I have questions for you (I have questions). I have questions for you." David was one of the nicest people ever at first, but he was not who he said he was.

"My, my name was safest in your mouth. And why'd you have to go and spit it out? Oh, your voice, it was the most familiar sound. But it sounds so dangerous to me now. I have questions for you. Number one, tell me who you think you are?  You've got some nerve tryin' to tear my faith apart. (I have questions for you). Number two, why would you try and play me for a fool? I should have never, ever, ever trusted you. I have questions for you. I have questions for you. I have questions for you (I have questions). I have questions for you. Do you care, do you care? Why don't you care? I gave you all of me. My blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears. Why don't you care, why don't you care? I was there, I was there, when no one was. Now you're gone and I'm here. I have questions for you, ooh. I have questions for you. I have questions for you (I have questions). I have questions for you (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah). I have questions for you, ooh. I have questions for you (fair play, no, fair play, no). I have questions for you (I have questions). I have questions for you. I have questions for you."

"How do I fix it? Can we talk? Can we communicate? Can we talk? Do I wanna fix it? I have questions for you (I'm afraid of you). Is it my fault? Is it my fault? Do you miss me? I have questions." You can't fix a broken relationship, no matter what. And I am very afraid of David, I feel so weak saying that. That I am afraid of my own boyfriend. I'm not supposed to be that way. Before the tears start to flow, the music picks up and I dance around the stage.

"Tellin' me you love me, but I've heard it before. Stayin' out til the mornin', I can hear the door. Tellin' me you're different, but you're just like the rest. I can smell all the whiskey and the smoke on your breath." David always comes to my home after going to the bar or club without me. You can smell everything he's been doing. The perfume. The alcohol. The smoke. Everything.