Dreaming Of More Than Just A White Christmas {Phan} (Book Four)

🎄Three🎄

"Phil, don't you know what day it is?" I asked sadly as I sat down next to the black-haired man that I loved so much.
"Why, of course I do." Phil smiled brightly. For the first time in a while, he actually wasn't sober or hungover from drinking all night at the bar he oh so loved. In fact, he loved it so much that he had made it a habit to go there and drink away his problems every single night. Little did I know at the time, on the night of his birthday, he had lied right through his teeth and instead of going for a walk like he said he was going to do, he had actually gone to the bar and spent the entire night drinking. It wasn't until the next day when I found out, and the only reason I found out was because one of the people Phil had chatted with while he was out at the bar called me and told me that he Phil passed out almost as soon as the bar closed. Apparently, Phil had told this person to call me if something were to happen to him that night and even gave them my number. At first, I was mortified when I heard what happened, but that feeling faded away when I drove to the bar and picked Phil up. Needless to say, his drunken banter about incoherent things only fueled the anger I felt at that moment.

"Really?" I smiled brightly as well, my fear that he had forgotten an important fact about today.
"Yeah, of course." Phil's smile grew ever so slightly as he looked over at me. "It's Sunday."
My smile quickly faded away and my heart sank down so low into the pit of the stomach that it felt like I had been punched in the gut repeatedly until I couldn't bear it anymore. In fact, it hurt so badly that I actually ended up placing both of my hands over my stomach.
"You're kidding, right?" I asked both in a joking and an angry manner.
Phil shook his head.
At that moment, I lost all control and in a fit of blinding anger, I placed my hands on his shoulders and squeezed his shoulders as I began yelling at the top of my lungs.
"It's my birthday, you fucking asshole!" I shook him as if I was convinced that that would make him remember. "How the fuck could you forget? I've told you several times when my birthday was!"
"Dan, calm down." Phil said as he gripped my arms in order to get me to stop shaking, which actually worked for some reason. He paused for a few moments as his eyes darted around the room and he bit his lip. "Wait, what's today's date?"
"June eleventh! It's fucking June eleventh!" I started yelling and shaking him again. "That's my birthday! You're my husband! You're supposed to know me like the back of your hand, especially since we've known each other for two years now!"
Phil sighed and it felt like a million years had gone by before he finally spoke up. "Shit." He muttered as he pushed past me and stood up. "I didn't even think it was June already. I thought it was..." He trailed off as he started pacing around the room. "I don't even know what I thought. The days have started to just merge together and go by so quickly."
"Phil, you need to stop drinking." I said as I watched him continue to pace around the room. "It's changing you. You're forgetting things, you're constantly getting headaches from your hangovers, you're occasionally passing out drunk, and you're barely ever coming home. You need to stop numbing your feelings with alcohol. This is a habit that has the potential to kill you one day."
Phil stopped dead in his tracks and started looking around the room once more. He seemed to be in a trance as thoughts began racing through his mind. Then, after just a couple of moments, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You're funny. You think I care about the fact that it will more than likely kill me?" He laughed, and it was the kind of laugh that would hear from someone who had lost every last ounce of their sanity. "Well, guess what? I don't care. I stopped caring a long time ago. The only thing I live for is the euphoria I feel whenever I get drunk. You should really try it sometime. You honestly feel like you're the happiest person in the world and that no one could ever bring you down."
"Thanks, but no thanks." I replied bitterly as I pulled my wallet out from my pocket and began throwing money at him. "Just get the fuck out of here and blow more of our money on your fucking drinks like you always do."
Phil rolled his eyes as he bent down and grabbed the money off of the floor. "I will since you want me to leave so badly."
In a blink of an eye, he stormed out of the door and slammed the door behind him.
I would've asked you to stay if you were still the same Phil that I fell in love with all those years ago.
But you're not the same Phil that I fell in love with.
The Phil I fell in love with would've done everything in his power to make sure that I had an amazing birthday. He also wouldn't forget all about it, and he certainly wouldn't abandoned me on a day like this.
You are no longer the Phil that I fell in with.
You are the Phil that, as painful as it is for me to admit to myself, I'm slowly falling out of love with.