Hidden Heart of Mine

She is perfect. Everything I ever wanted in a girl. Really. She’s perfectly my type. She’s so smart and kind and innocent and talented and caring and beautiful and funny and cute and sweet and- oh I could just go on and on. But she's also my best friend.

How could I have let myself be so careless and fall so hopelessly in love with her? I meant only to be her best guy friend, but the closer we got, the more I liked her. Then I realized: how can it get any better than her? She's so kind hearted and always helps someone in need. Her greatest wish is just to make others happy. She just thinks of others and is so selfless it's insane. She cares for everyone even if she barely knows them. She's so smart and yet super modest about it at the same time and never gives a second thought about lending her talents. She truly understands me and she’s always there for me, but…she’ll never love me the way I love her.

She always tells me about these guys she fancies or these guys who clearly fancy her. It’s not fair. Do you realize how painful it is to sit there and listen to that? At first, I truly had liked one of her friends. After I realized I loved her, (which sure took me a long time to figure out) thoughts of my old crush flew out the window. I just built off the old news to rid her of suspicion. At a certain point, it was hard to hide the fact that I was completely and utterly over this girl who had so long been my “crush” and so I had to think fast. To come up with someone else. So I said I liked Kamryn; more commonly known as Kami. She believed me. Why wouldn’t she?

So we’d take turns ranting about the people we liked. For her, it was some boy named Aiden. She goes on and on about how he’s “perfect” It makes me sick. In return, she asks me about Kami and I’ll rant, but I always end up talking about her. And how she makes me feel. Kami's great, but she’s not the one I have feelings for. 

It’s just so painful. There have been so many times that I just want to sever our relationship so I won’t have to deal with this pain, but I guess I should consider myself lucky to be able to be so close to her. To talk to her all the time, because in reality, that’s all I really want. To be with her.

She tells me everything and I was always there for her. No other guy could say that. But even still, she never thought of me like that. Not once. No matter how many times I’d hint it, she’d never take it that way. She’d assume I’d only meant it as a friend. Even now, I occasionally call her assorted pet names and she doesn’t mind. And sometimes, she’ll call me something like that too. And we always say “loveya” or “I love you” and send each other hearts. Yeah, I guess I am pretty lucky. I just love…hearing her voice saying my name or that she loves me or that she’ll miss me. She always will tackle-hug me or if she’s having a bad day, she’ll just hug me tight and not let go for what seems like an eternity. And whenever I feel upset or bad, she’ll just hold me gently and calm me with her very presence.

Oh, I just realized, I haven’t even told you her name yet. Sorry. Her name is Laurelai Grey. Beautiful, isn’t it? She has long, curled dark chocolate hair that she arranges differently everyday. She never wears make-up, but I don’t see any need for it anyway. She has smooth soft skin and dark eyelashes and caramel brown eyes that dance and sparkle with a wild and bright light. Full lips that are always a rosy shade of pink that rarely hide her most amazing physical feature. Her dazzling smile. Never have I seen a smile so true and so bright. It shines a light on everyone around her and they just can’t help but feel happy. And she always has it with her. Even when she’s in the worst of places.

Oh look at that, a page-long rant, and I feel like I haven’t even covered all of my love for her. There’s just so much. However, I think I’ve given you an adequate introduction…for now.

Oh and by the way, my name’s Kai. Kai McKinney…