The Fault In Our Stars // A Sequel

chapter two - surreal

A wall of emotions builds up inside me as the words leave his mouth and I lean back against the pillow, very slowly. I am unable to think, much less speak, but my mother is talking enough for everybody in the room.

I dip my head down, cheeks warming up, as my mother blabbers away. "My Hazel is... pregnant? How? Since when? Oh my God, this can't be happening. Are you serious, doctor?"

"Yes. Three weeks," the doctor confirms monotonously.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my mother with a hand clasped over her mouth, my dad with his arm around her, shell-shocked. Even Isaac has a look of surprise on his face, and sympathy that does not make me feel better.

"Hazel," my mother says, staring down at me. "When did you and Augustus...?"

"Um, Amsterdam," I mumble, just loud enough for my mother to hear.

"Doctor," my dad says, his voice shaky. "What do we do now?"

My next words come out quite against my will, but I am sure about this. "I'm keeping the baby."

My mother closes her eyes and exhales. "As you wish, Hazel. He, or she, is your child after all."

The atmosphere in the room is thick; there isn't much to say anyway.

I am pregnant. I am pregnant at seventeen. There is no way I can get out of being pregnant. I don't know if the baby is able to be delivered successfully; it'll obviously be strenuous as hell carrying a baby in my stomach and, if the final stage does come, delivering the baby. Everyone knows my lungs are crap and maybe I would have already died before then. Most probably.

Slowly, I bring a hand to my stomach, brushing my fingers across the gown. It's hard to imagine there's a living and breathing fetus inside. Augustus' and my child.

"It's a little risky, but yeah, it should be fine," the doctor is saying, looking slightly bored and I want to punch the shit out of him for being so emotionless.

He appears to be reading from his clipboard. "Bring her for a check-up once or twice a month. She may be discharged now."

"Thank you, Doctor." My mother helps me from the bed and gathers my stuff. Slipping on my sandals, I follow my parents out of the ward, Isaac's hand resting on my shoulder.

"Isaac, we'll drive you home, alright?" my mother says when we pile into the car.

"Thanks, Mrs Lancaster."

I gaze out of the window in silence, biting my lower lip. The sky is overcast with hazy grey clouds as the car lumbers along the road. I unconsciously think of Augustus. Does he know of my pregnancy? Perhaps he's oblivious to it; perhaps he has no recollection of me at all. The thought hurts. What exactly happens to people after they die?

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter because Augustus Waters is, well, dead and he isn't coming back and that is a fact nobody can change.

We pull up in front of Isaac's driveway and I lead him up the gravel path to his house. Before he steps in, he puts an arm around me and rubs my back.

"It'll be okay, Hazel," he says. "You can make it, I'm sure."

I'm not sure of that, but I find some comfort in the circle of his arm and in that moment I am extremely thankful of him, that he is here, and I manage the ghost of a smile. "Thanks, Isaac. You take care too."

"Sure," he assures me as his arm retreats back to his sides and the door shuts behind him with a click.

I make my way back to the car and slide into the backseat.