the bucket list

1: The Party

Dean Winchester's house parties were the thing at our school. Everyone was invited, everyone was allowed to come. Every single month once.

I didn't know how his parents allowed him to do that, but why should I care? Since I've been to this school, I've never been to his parties. Well, generally I have never been to a party. I guess I'm not cool enough for that. But tonight I was.

I told my parents that I would go to the cinema with a group of friends and then sleep at their house. Of course, they believed me, because I was the perfect son who would never dare to lie or to do something forbidden. 

So I climbed alone in the completely empty bus and headed in the direction in which the most popular boy of the school lived. It seemed to me that even the bus driver had condemned me.

Often I just wanted to get out and then run away

Parties were not my thing at all. What am I doing here, I thought while I looked out of the window. It was dark. I wouldn't know anybody there, I had no friends, nobody really liked me. What should I do there? 

After a ten-minute ride, I got out and started walking. Even from far away I could hear the music. Not my style at all. 

When I saw the house at the end of the street, I stopped for a moment. It was smaller than I thought, which was not bad. Dean looked richer, that's all. I looked around briefly and deep inside I just wanted to run away. Back to loneliness. I took a small, indecisive step back, until I pulled myself together and yet again walk towards the house.

On the terrace were a few people I only knew from seeing, like everyone else in the house. They looked at me for a while, until I stood directly in front of the small wooden staircase and they formed a small passage, so I could enter the house.

Sometimes it felt like I heard my name, but who should know me? Who should care about me being here? It was uncomfortable. It almost hurt.

I stood frozen in the corridor and didn't really know what the second step should be? I swallowed hard and looked around. Who had the stupid idea to come here? Oh right, me!

I looked around and my eyes suddenly fell on one person. The funny thing was that the person looked at me too. They looked at me before I looked at them. 

Dean fucking Winchester was looking at me. From the other side of the room. I glanced around to make sure he was not looking at anyone behind me, but me. He looked at me. His green eyes watched me. 

He smiled gently at me and nodded to me until he took a sip of his mug and disappeared into the crowd. What did just happened? 

I finally dared to walk around a bit until I discovered a bottle. I took the bottle and took a sip. 

It burned and tasted terrible, but I didn't care, so I took another sip. 

For a second, I felt like everyone else. I was at a party, drinking alcohol and trying to jump around with the others. It seemed like it didn't matter who you are. Nothing mattered. 

But after about two hours, this mood was over. I moved up one floor with my new friend Jacky (Jack Daniels, don't think he got a girl). In one room I sat on the floor and kept on drinking.

At some point, I just leaned my head against the wall and tried to come down from the alcohol.

I heard the door open and looked up until I saw Dean in front of me.

I wanted to say something, but couldn't. I watched as Dean closed the door again and sat on the floor facing me.

"How much did you drink, buddy?" he asked looking at the bottle of whiskey. 

"I don't know." Carefully, he took the bottle from my hand and took a sip. I just watched him, while he did so.

"What is going on?"

"What?"

"With you." he clarified. "And don't say nothing, 'cause that's not true."

I kept silent and just looked at him. I wasn't confused, I don't know what I was. It felt like a dream. Like nothing of this is real. This isn't the first time he talks to me. Why should he care?

"I'm not interested in what's going on with you. Well, I'm interested, but I will not laugh or judge you. Only stupid people do that." For an eternity, I just stared at him as if his words took hours to reach my brain.

"Okay, you know why I'm gonna tell you?" I mumbled. 

"'Cause your drunk?" he smiled playful.

"First, that and second, 'cause everyone says that you can be trusted. That you know the secret of everyone in school and keep it for you, even if they hurt you afterwards. I mean, you look dangerous, as if you can destroy the life of everything and everyone, but I never saw you actually do it." He just looked at me.

"I think that every person needs someone they can trust."

"'Cause you never had someone?"

"We are talking about you." he blocked. "So, what's the matter?"

"Why do you think you would understand?"

"Because I'll understand." he said confidently, but also carefully.

"I don't think so."

"Try me." I took a deep breath and tried to escape his deep look. 

****

Terrible cut, I know. I'm a terrible person. Tell me if you liked it! 

See you at the next chapter! xoxo