Chasing Smoke

Don't Kiss And Tell

Camila

Chase started to lean in and the only thing I could do was think of all the possible scenarios of how it would all fall apart. Don't get me wrong, I wanted nothing but to kiss him, but he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. I wasn't the type of girl to steal another girl's boy or cheat. That just wasn't me.

Yet for some reason I didn't find myself telling him to stop, instead I was the one to lean in when he was about to pull away. I would like to say that I was more surprised of my behavior than him, but that would be a lie.

I wished I would've stopped as soon as I felt his lips, but I didn't. I just couldn't. Wasn't that what I had wanted for so long?

I expected him to pull away when I kissed him, but he did something just as surprising as me kissing him - he kissed me back. From the way his lips moved against mine I could tell I wasn't the only one who had longed for that kiss in a long time. And by the way he stroked my hair in the middle of it all I knew he felt the same as I did.

Stopping the kiss wasn't in my to-do list, but what I was doing was wrong. What happened to me? We were both taken; I was kissing my best friend! I was about to ruin one of the best things in my life because I couldn't control my hormones. Is that seriously the kind of girl I was?

I pulled away abruptly, startling him to the core. Chase looked at me with hurt in his eyes. I wanted nothing but to unhurt him, and the only way to do that was by kissing him again, but I couldn't. I knew our kiss would cause us enough pain for the rest of the year and kissing him again would just make things worse. So why was I leaning in for another kiss?

This time the kiss wasn't as good, but it was still amazing. At least we were both prepared. If it was up to me I would have spent the rest of the day there on the floor kissing Chase, but suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me. Once again I pulled away from him, but this time I didn't kiss him again. This time, I ran.

I sat on the stairs in front of his porch, thinking. Since when was I one of those girls? I expected myself to feel more guilty than what I did, but instead I found myself wondering if now Chase would think I was a weirdo for kissing him and running away. If there was very little chance of us forgetting what happened before then now it would probably haunt us forever.

Chase arrived minutes after, panting. It probably took him a while to process what happened before he came back. His eyes searched my face for any sign of... I don't even know. Signs of life? Signs of feelings? The pain in his eyes was still there and it hurt like hell knowing it was my fault. I had spent so much time angry and wanting to hurt any and every person who hurt him and yet there I was, hurting him.

"I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me. Really, I'm sorry. It was a mistake." A small tear fell down his face. I blew it, I'd hurt him again.

"So it was a mistake? That's what you think?" I began to stand up and walk up to him, but his hand in front of me stopped me.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. But you're with Taylor and I'm with Leo. It was a mistake because we're in relationships, not because it was you. If kissing you was a mistake then I would gladly make the same mistake over and over again."

"Yeah...whatever you say. Let's just forget it happened and say nothing. Is that okay?"

"I don't kiss and tell, Chase."

"You should get ready to go."

He went inside the house with a scowl on his face. A scowl I had caused. I'd screwed up bad, again. I watched as he walked looking for his mom and frankly I don't think seeing him walk away had ever hurt so much.